What Is the Worst Thing You’ve Overheard About Yourself While Pretending to Be Asleep?

Am I the Genius?

amithejerk.com

Education, Self-improvement

4.6 • 769 Ratings

🗓️ 2 December 2025

⏱️ 22 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Transcript

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0:00.0	What's the worst thing you overheard about yourself while pretending to be asleep?
0:05.2	I heard something like, she's too old for this. I'm not going to carry her up to her bed anymore.
0:10.0	And that was the last time I was magically transported from the living room couch to my bedroom.
0:15.5	Oh, this is so sad. My son is nearly 13 and was 11 when I was last able to pick him up.
0:20.8	When I did, I nearly threw my back out and realized this would be the last time I'd be able to carry him.
0:25.6	I ended up sitting in his bed crying.
0:27.8	I could still carry my daughter, who's six, at least.
0:31.1	In college, I woke up to my roommate's bed creaking.
0:34.1	I shot up to see what the heck was going on.
0:36.5	I see some woman on her bank with her legs
0:38.6	fully spread eagle and my roommate just pile driving it like it was his last day on earth.
0:43.7	Like a good bro, I quickly lay back down and pretended to be asleep. Then she said, in between
0:48.8	gasps of air, is your roommate awake? No, he sleeps through anything. Cut to the next morning,
0:54.0	I casually get up and
0:55.1	turn on my PlayStation 2 and start playing some random game. The roommate's fling, who I now recognize
1:00.6	in the light of day, gets up and casually comes over and sits next to me. Good morning, Jan. Oh,
1:05.8	morning, Rachel. Did you sleep good last night? Yeah, I can sleep through anything. As the last word
1:10.7	left my mouth, I immediately realized I'd blown it.
1:13.7	She began a huge flurry of slaps at my roommate while cursing at him.
1:17.7	He didn't care because he was too busy laughing the whole time.
1:21.7	I was a camp counsellor.
1:23.1	Two girls very much liked to make hot or not lists.
	...

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