You're listening to the Allender Center podcast with Dr. Dan Allender. This week, Dan continues our series about what a therapist looks for in a client. Dan reflects on the categories of openness, trust, and the willingness to remain in the work of therapy, even when it's messy and difficult. Though we will never find the perfect

therapist or the perfect client, Dan says there are few things sweeter or holier than two people

willing to engage therapy with curiosity, humility, and integrity. As we consider what a good

therapist is looking for in a client, let me start by saying,

what do most people come to counseling to address?

And if I had to put it, it's a combination of three core worlds.

Most people come because of relational issues,

because of some conflict, some betrayal,

some significant loss in the relational world.

But often, that's not at the forefront

as much as a sense of feelings, affect, a distress, dis-ease that goes along with a

relational level of conflict.

In other words, people have relational conflicts all the time.

And sadly, most people just get over them, walk on, sort of wash their hands of the relationship.

Somehow, being in conflict is not the basis of being able to enter into that choice, at least in most occasions.

So I think that second factor of, there's some level of significant distress that over

significant periods of time, a person doesn't seem to be able to get over.

The research would indicate that most people take almost 18 months from whatever was the tipping point, the crisis, the conflict, to actually seek a therapist.

And usually there have been at least two to three people whom they have gone to soliciting some level of help, like, you know, a bartender, a hairdresser, a pastor, a good friend,

and maybe more than mere kind of complaining about what happened, kind of a, well, what would you do?

And what most people have found is that that counsel,

advice, input, care was not sufficient to address both the conflict and the more distressed

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