Welcome to the Total Soccer Show and our weekend review.

We're looking back on a weekend where Chelsea could only stare

as Everton slightly eased their relegation to spare,

and Richarlison threw a flare,

where Real Madrid won title number 35,

and Carlo Angelochi once again proved he's the coolest man alive.

And come of the man, come of the oar for a Philly side,

whose form has been slightly poor,

as Nashville didn't have delusions of grandeur,

as their home opener that was bombastic and diragu.

Also, as a woman are relegated and this game is stupid and I hate it.

I don't like it anymore.

My name is Ryan Bailey.

Joining me today is a man who keeps his podcast afloat like Jordan Pickford keeps Everton afloat,

but with much less silly face-pulling Taylor Rock or Hello.

And ideally fewer, like, obvious concussions. That post-match interview with Jordan Pickford, like not even trying to question his intelligence or anything like that. It just did make me wonder if he had maybe taken one too many shots directly to the face with some of the way he explained what was happening. But credit to Jordan Pickford and credit to Everton as well. I imagine he just hits himself in the face when he's excited. Can you imagine what he's like if he finds like the right cereal that he likes in the supermarket? He probably goes insane. Just very excited, but then still somehow takes a cereal box to the face. I'm not quite sure how he manages to pull that off. I think there's the outro of the movie Old School

where Will Ferrell's in the supermarket,

and I think he gets a date,

and he starts like karate kicking all the cereal.

That's what I imagine Jordan Pickford doing.

That's how I imagine most footballers.

I think cereal is probably a source of levity

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