Waiting for Marriage...Is It Really Worth It? with Nights at the Round Table

The Refined Collective Podcast

Kat Harris

Honesty, Religion & Spirituality, Love, Leaders, Life, Businessowners, Authenticity, Courage, Society & Culture, Christianity

4.8 • 1.2K Ratings

🗓️ 7 April 2021

⏱️ 44 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Thank you Newsstand Studio at 1 Rockefeller Plaza for providing a place for me to record this episode for y’all! No more Brooklyn closet recording!!!

We are back with part two of the conversation I had with the hosts of the Nights at the Round Table Podcast (actress/comedian, Anjelah Johnson; singer/songwriter/producer, Manwell Reyes; and story-teller/preacher Brandon Smith). If you missed part one all about doubt and faith, go ahead and listen to that here. This week, we’re gonna talk about sex, ba-by. All of these guests are married and so I just had to ask them: Did you wait for marriage to have sex? Was it really worth the wait? Make sure you stay until the very end for this one!

Anjelah’s Waiting

Anjelah shares that her wedding night was awful (it’s not like the movies, y’all).
She recognized that she had a lot of work to do in unpacking purity culture and the narratives that she was taught growing up.

“Even learning and exploring to say ‘okay, maybe we could try toys or a vibrator,’ that was so bad.” -Anjelah

Manwell’s Experience

Manwell did not wait for marriage to have sex, but he clarifies that he wasn’t having casual sex either.

“Then I got saved and I was really scared of sex.” -Manwell

Brandon’s Waiting

Having grown up in a very Christian space, Brandon was taught to never have sex before marriage and it instilled a fear in him.
He shares his experiences in shutting down any sexual desire or thoughts.
His wedding night was special for him and his wife (who also waited for marriage).

Poll Responses

69% of people on IG would wait again if they had to do it all over
75% of people in my personal life would wait again if they had to do it all over
I also share some stories that some friends and followers sent in about their experiences, so make sure you tune in to the full episode!

Resources

For all things Manwell’s music, go to ManwellReyes.com.
For all things Anjelah, go to Anjelah.com.
Check out Laugh on Beat to keep up with all things NATRT here.
Check out Nights at the Round Table on iTunes here.
Listen to my episode on Nights at the Round Table here.
Check out TRC 145: Deconstruction 101 with Nights at the Round Table here.
Check out my Patreon video on how it feels to hear these things as someone who is waiting for marriage to have sex: watch here.

The countdown is ON for my book, Sexless in the City: A Sometimes Sassy, Sometimes Painful, Always Honest Look at Dating, Desire, and Sex. It’s coming out in just over a month and you can still pre-order! It would mean so much to me if you did. Head over to sexlessinthecitybook.com to grab your copy!

Make sure you send an email to social@therefinedwoman.com so you can get your pre-order goodies, like a digital download of the first two chapters to read right now, a resource and journaling guide, and a discount to my shop!

For $5/month, you can get access to exclusive video content for Patreon subscribers. Like… how to answer the question “why are you still single?” How to know if your standards are too high. And an update on my dating life. YUP! There will be a new video every week just for Patreon subscribers. Don’t miss out! Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to learn more and sign up!

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	For over a decade, I've been a wedding photographer, and I've been a bridesmaid 17 times.
0:07.2	In no exaggeration, I've either photographed or attended literally hundreds of weddings.
0:13.8	Yet with every wedding I experience, I still am struck by how profound it is that even
0:19.1	in this instant gratification, do what feels good culture, millions of people every year
0:24.8	decide to get married.
0:26.8	Getting to the aisle is a complete miracle.
0:29.2	So much has to line up for two people to first meet, then come together, and then ultimately say,
0:34.9	I see you, the good, the bad, the painful, and I choose all of you.
0:40.7	Even when it doesn't feel good, and even when I may desire something else,
0:44.5	I still commit to choosing you.
0:46.7	The whole thing is mind-boggling to me.
0:49.1	With this one, yes, a person commits to a million tiny and big nose for hopefully decades to come.
0:56.0	It's the ultimate practice of restraint.
0:58.6	Yet only within this chosen restraint is there the possibility for a depth and intimacy
1:03.8	that little else in the human experience can rival.
1:07.2	Real intimacy is an accidental.
1:09.5	It's intentional.
1:10.9	Kirsten White emphasized this in the chaos of the stars.
1:14.0	I didn't fall in love with you.
1:15.9	I walked into love with you with my eyes wide open, choosing to take every step along the way.
1:22.6	This is an excerpt from my upcoming book, Sexless in the City.
1:27.4	It comes out in just a few weeks on April 20th.
	...

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