meta_pixel
Tapesearch Logo
Log in
The Bert Show

Vault: Bert's Hairy Arms

The Bert Show

The Bert Show

Entertainment News, Society & Culture, Comedy, News

4.14.4K Ratings

🗓️ 28 October 2025

⏱️ 7 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Vault: Bert's Hairy Arms

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

The Bert Show.

0:01.3

Call me insecure or call me whatever you want, but I absolutely hate my own body hair.

0:07.2

So I decided to do something about it.

0:11.3

I have a tremendous amount of hair on my arms, okay?

0:15.1

And the thing is, it cuts off right at about what is supposed to be my bicep.

0:18.8

And there's no hair after that.

0:37.5

But if you look at me in a short sleeve shirt, I mean, I'm an ape. And it's gotten worse over the last couple of years. As I'm getting older, I'm getting hairier on my arms. It's not growing really anywhere else badly, except on my arms. It's really embarrassing. You've got to understand those of you have never met Bert in person. He has got the average amount of body hair is most four-legged animals. No, that's not true. That's not true. On his arms. It's not true. On his arms. And that's the point I'm trying to make is that it's on my arms because the rest of me, I think, is fairly normal. We actually contemplated doing a contest on the internet. Is it Bert's arm or a paw? My arms have not completely evolved yet. You know when you see that evolution chart? I'm about the third ape on my arms. He's going in next month to have his due clause. He moved. Now, for those of you, and also, in the studio, Bert comes in every morning. He usually has a t-shirt on and a sweater over it.

1:10.9

He takes his sweater off.

1:12.1

Right, because I get hot. And he wears a t-shirt. Now, today, he still has a sweater on, and I wondered about that. Okay, now I got to give you a couple of other pieces of information. Oh, no, bud. What are you doing? All right, so in light of me already being insecure about the hair on my arms, because I'm just automatically assuming if I have a short sleeve shirt on and people see my hairy arms, they're assuming, like Jeff just said, I've got hair all over my body like that. And honestly, I know it sounds insecure. I don't want people to think that. You don't want people to think that you have a hairy back and stuff. I don't, but I don't. I know you don't. So Mark down the hall also shares my hair, you know, affinity. He's got hair. He's hairy all over, though, I think. He's got way more hair on his legs, way more hair on his arms. He has it coming out of the back of his collar. While he was doing a shift the other day, somebody dropped off some nair for men for this guy. And he put a little S into his arm and his leg to see if it would work, and it did. And he brought it in here to show me, and I thought it looked great. Now, you have to understand the day before, a day or two prior, for whatever reason,

2:18.7

when you work at a radio station, things turn up. Like, you know, because people like to drop stuff off. And it's a great marketing tool. If you have stuff that you want to talk about on the radio, drop some off. Because there's a chance. For example, there's a restaurant right next door now sending out food for us. and you know they're going to hope that we're going to taste the food and then sometime before

2:35.9

the end of the show thank them for bringing it in it's a restaurant right next door now setting out food for us and you know they're going to

2:34.2

hope that we're going to taste the food and then sometime before the end of the show thank them for bringing

2:37.2

it in it's a nice plug so things turn up at radio stations so like three days ago nehr started

2:43.0

appearing near for men the hair remover just started appearing right it was just sitting on tables

2:49.0

in everywhere yeah it's everywhere so we're in the uh we're in the conference room. Bert and I are having the meeting after the Monday meeting and he sees it and he looks at the bottle. And while we're meeting, he squirts him off onto his hand. He starts rubbing it in like it's a lotion. He's like, wonder if this stuff really works. And then I said, let me see that.

3:08.1

He slides a bottle across the table.

3:09.9

And I read the instructions in every step that Burt took to apply the nair was incorrect. It was wrong. I was going. I was going to say if he rubbed it in like lotion, that was wrong. That's what I started doing. Wrong. The first thing in bold capital letters, do not rub in.

3:24.3

So Burt panicked and ran out of the room to wash the stuff off his hand, and I thought that was the end of it, and he took the nair with him. I thought it ended up in a garbage can or, you know, somewhere else. At work? Apparently it didn't. But then yesterday, we're in another meeting, and over to Jeff, I go, Jeff, tonight's Nair night. And he goes, what? I said, I'm nearing tonight. Tonight's the night, I'm going to go Nair. It's supposed to be rather painful. All right, I'm not done with all the details. So, Stace and I decided last night at around 4 o'clock that we were going to go down to the Virginia Highlands and go to Harry and Sons and have some sushi. Harry and Sons.

3:59.0

Oh, last night at around 4 o'clock that we were going to go down to the Virginia Highlands and go to Harry and Sons and have some sushi.

4:00.1

Harry and Sons. Oh, there you go. That's funny. That's a nice tie in Harry and Sons. I think I'm going to be sick to my stomach. Now, I know that traffic gets really bad here around 6 o'clock and there's nothing I hate more than traffic. But I just got back from the gym, so I still needed to take a shower, but I wanted to neer before we took off.

4:17.1

Okay?

4:17.9

So. more than traffic. But I just got back from the gym, so I still needed to take a shower, but I wanted to

...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from The Bert Show, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of The Bert Show and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.

Copyright © Tapesearch 2026.