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TILT Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

TPP 446: Therapist Jude Carn on Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Neurodivergence

TILT Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

Debbie Reber

Education, Parenting, Kids & Family

4.8983 Ratings

🗓️ 3 June 2025

⏱️ 44 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

You may have heard me mention IFS, or Internal Family Systems, in podcast episodes before. My guest today is going to go into much more detail, but briefly, IFS is a powerful and compassionate therapeutic framework for understanding the different “parts” within ourselves—like the inner critic, the protector, the people-pleaser. Through IFS, we can learn how to befriend and heal those parts so we can show up more fully as our true Self. I’m pretty fascinated by IFS and have seen how transformative it can be in helping people truly heal and find more peace in their lives. In my research, I came across a therapist who not only feels the same but has fully stepped into the intersection of IFS and neurodivergence. So of course, I had to invite them onto the show. In today’s episode, you’ll meet Jude Carn, a certified Level 3 Internal Family Systems (IFS) psychotherapist, international consultant, and passionate advocate for neurodiversity. Jude brings a powerful blend of lived experience and deep professional expertise to their work, and in this episode, we’re exploring how IFS can be a transformative model for neurodivergent individuals and the families who support them. In our conversation, Jude walks us through the core concepts of IFS, explains how this framework can be especially healing for neurodivergent people—who often grow up feeling misunderstood, judged, or exiled—and shares insights on how IFS offers a respectful, empowering approach to trauma that allows each person to move at their own pace. Jude explains that recognizing and befriending one’s own parts can lead to deeper self-acceptance and a better relationship with ourselves. IFS has been transformative for me, and it’s really powerful to start from a place of knowing that you are not broken. Imagine what a difference it would make for all our neurodivergent kids to fundamentally know that they are not broken—and that no parts are bad. IFS can be a truly affirming starting point. I hope you get as excited about it as I do after this conversation.    About my guest Jude Carn is a level 3 certified IFS psychotherapist and approved consultant with the IFS Institute. Jude lives in the UK and works online internationally with some clients and mainly in supporting other therapists through supervision and consultation. Jude is a late diagnosed AuDHDer and an advocate for the recognition of neurodiversity as part of the human experience, rather than disorder.Jude creates and runs training, conference talks and groups supporting therapists to provide better support and care to their neurodivergent clients. She is genderqueer, and uses she/they pronouns. She co-hosts a podcast, Queering IFS which sets out other questions taken for granted norms around heteronormativity and neuronormativity as these present themselves in the world of therapy.Jude lives at home in rural Sussex with her two dogs and long term partner.   You'll learn: What IFS (Internal Family Systems) is and how it helps individuals foster deep self-acceptance through exploring inner parts Why every coping strategy has a purpose, often driven by protectors working to shield exiled parts that carry pain How recognizing and building relationships with internal parts can lead to profound healing and growth How IFS allows respectful trauma exploration at one’s own pace Why neurodivergent individuals may especially benefit from IFS’s flexible, creative, and affirming approach Ideas for how parents and therapists can help their children understand and connect with their parts   Resources: Jude’s website, Anchored in Self Queering IFS Podcast Inneractive Cards Books for kids, teens, and adults about IFS No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma & Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model by Richard Schwart, PhD Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0

Hey there, it's Debbie. Parenting neurodivergent kids can be messy, lonely, and overwhelming,

0:05.8

but it does not have to be. This is why I created the differently wired club, the very first

0:11.2

membership community of its kind. In the club, you'll get a lot of access to me. I go live in the

0:16.6

club of 45 times a month to answer your questions, to share insights, and just hang and

0:21.4

being community together. I'm also in the private discussion boards daily, and that is a great

0:26.3

place to get feedback on those sticky things that you're dealing with. I'm in there every day

0:30.5

because this is truly my passion, helping parents like you feel connected, supported, and empowered.

0:36.8

So if you're ready to make real shifts in your

0:39.0

parenting journey, I hope you'll join us in the differently wired club. Go to tiltparenting.com

0:44.1

slash club to learn more. That's tiltparenting.com slash club. One thing that IFS can be really

0:51.1

helpful to work through and reconcile with is helping these little managers. And I'm calling them little because they are, they started doing this job

0:57.9

when we were kids. So they've been doing it forever. Getting to know them and then updating

1:04.1

them on the neurodivergence in the system is huge because, you know, these little managers, these never again, these proactive,

1:13.8

I just want to stop this system getting any more shame because ableism is internalized.

1:19.5

So they are often desperately, desperately trying to get us to just air quotes again for anyone listening, be normal.

1:30.4

And they don't even know that the game is rigged from the start.

1:35.9

I'm Debbie Reber and this is Tilt Parenting, a podcast featuring interviews and conversations

1:41.3

aimed at inspiring, informing, and supporting parents raising

1:44.7

differently wired kids. You may have heard me mention IFS or internal family systems in podcast episodes

1:51.6

before. My guest is going to go into much more detail, but briefly, IFS is a powerful,

1:57.4

compassionate, therapeutic framework for understanding the different parts within ourselves,

2:02.2

like the inner critic, the protector, the people pleaser. And when using IFS, we can learn how to

...

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