TPP 441: A Conversation with Toscha Shore about Addressing Aggression in Boys

TILT Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

Debbie Reber

Education, Parenting, Kids & Family

4.8 • 983 Ratings

🗓️ 6 May 2025

⏱️ 43 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Today, we’re talking about aggression, specifically in boys, and how we as parents can respond with understanding, connection, and compassion instead of fear or shaming. Joining me is Tosha Schore, a powerful voice in peaceful parenting and the founder of Parenting Boys Peacefully. Tosha is also the creator of the Out With Aggression program and co-author of Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges. She’s spent decades helping parents shift the way they relate to their kids, especially when big behaviors show up. In our conversation, Tosha and I got into the roots of aggressive behavior in boys, and how it’s so often a signal, not of defiance, but of fear or frustration. We explored how society often mislabels boys as “bad” when they make mistakes with little room for second chances. Tosha shared what it means to truly listen to our kids, how to build safe spaces for them to express themselves without shame, and why emotional connection, not punishment, is the key to long-term growth and emotional development. If aggression is something your family is struggling with right now, this conversation is for you. And if you find it valuable, and I think you will, consider sharing it with other parents who might need it. About Tosha Schore Tosha Schore is a dynamic leader and globally recognized speaker and trainer dedicated to empowering parents and the professionals who support them. As the founder of Parenting Boys Peacefully and creator of the Out With Aggression program, Tosha has equipped thousands of parents worldwide with tools to transform challenging behaviors by fostering connection, confidence, and compassion in their relationships with their children. She is also the author of Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges. Drawing on her over two decades of experience, and her extensive training in Hand in Hand Parenting and certification as a Step into Your Moxie® Facilitator, Tosha inspires parents to integrate connection as a bedrock principle in their families, and provides actionable answers to the “then what?” questions parents often face when shifting away from harsher, less effective practices. Tosha is championing a cultural shift toward more compassionate parenting and a more peaceful world. Things you'll learn from this episode Why understanding boys' behavior requires connecting the dots between their emotions, environment, and executive function challenges How recognizing aggression as a response to fear, frustration, or impulse control issues helps parents approach it with empathy Why creating safe spaces for boys to express emotions without judgment fosters emotional growth and self-regulation Why challenging societal perceptions that label boys as "bad guys" is essential for supporting their emotional development How to prioritize emotional connection over discipline in order to navigate challenging behaviors without shame or escalation Resources mentioned Toscha Shore’s website Parenting Boys Peacefully Free 10-Day Reconnect Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges by Toscha Shore Dr. John Duffy on Helping Our Struggling Teen Boys (Tilt Parenting podcast) Rescuing Our Sons: 8 Solutions to Our Crisis of Disaffected Teen Boys by Dr. John Duffy Seth Perler, Executive Function Coach Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	We do a lot of hoping and wishing and praying that things would be different.
0:03.4	And then that gets in the way of us actually be able to make a plan.
0:05.8	So I talk to parents often about, hey, your kid is at a place where you ask him to turn off the remote
0:11.4	and he calls you five expletives.
0:15.7	Do we want to be here?
0:17.5	No, not fun.
0:19.9	Do we wish we were somewhere else? Absolutely. But we could stand here
0:24.3	and say, hey, you know, come over here, kiddo. Like, you don't want to be acting like that.
0:29.4	Like, that's not very fun and that's not going to get you where you want to be in life.
0:33.8	But it doesn't work. He doesn't come towards us. So instead, like, we have to go all the way
0:38.7	over to where he is in his scary, uncomfortable place, and then slowly hand in hand kind of
0:46.4	walk back towards where we want to go together. I'm Debbie Reber, and this is Tilt Parenting, a podcast featuring interviews and conversations aimed at inspiring, informing, and supporting parents raising neural divergent kids.
1:02.3	Today we're talking about aggression, specifically in boys and how we as parents can respond with understanding, connection, and compassion instead of fear or shaming.
1:12.9	Joining me for this episode is Tasha Shore, the founder of parenting boys peacefully,
1:17.8	the creator of the Out With Aggression Program, and co-author of Listen, five simple
1:22.7	tools to meet your everyday parenting challenges. Tasha has spent decades and helping parents shift the way they
1:28.7	relay to their kids, especially when big behaviors show up. In this conversation, Tasha and I got
1:34.6	into the roots of aggressive behavior in boys and how it's so often a signal, not of defiance,
1:40.3	but of fear or frustration. We explored how society often mislabels boys as bad when they make
1:46.6	mistakes with little room for second chances. And Tasha shared what it means to truly listen to our kids,
1:53.3	how to build safe spaces for them to express themselves without shame, and why emotional connection,
1:59.5	not punishment, is the key to long-term growth and emotional
	...

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