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TILT Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

TPP 435: William Stixrud and Ned Johnson on the Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child

TILT Parenting: Strategies, Insights, and Connection for Parents Raising Neurodivergent Children

Debbie Reber

Education, Parenting, Kids & Family

4.8983 Ratings

🗓️ 25 March 2025

⏱️ 49 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

I’m thrilled to welcome back two favorite podcast guests and just all-around wonderful humans, Dr. William Stixrud and Ned Johnson. You might know them from their bestselling book The Self-Driven Child, which I often refer to on this show as one of the most important resources in my parenting life. Well, Bill and Ned have a new phenomenal resource that I can’t wait to share with you — a workbook based on their beloved book called The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child.  Today’s episode features a rich and deep conversation about some of the concepts they support parents in navigating in their new workbook, like why fostering autonomy is key to motivation, emotional well-being, and long-term success, why connection matters more than control, how to support our kids without trying to change them, and ways we can create a home environment that builds confidence and trust. They also share practical strategies for effective communication, including how to guide our kids through challenges without adding pressure or anxiety. As parents, it is scary to let go of control and to trust our kids to navigate their own problems, but as you’ll hear in this conversation, this is exactly what they need to be motivated. We know we can’t change them, but we can support them in finding the reason to change for themselves.   About William R. Stixrud, Ph.D William R. Stixrud, Ph.D., is a clinical neuropsychologist and founder of The Stixrud Group. He is a member of the teaching faculty at Children’s National Medical Center and an assistant professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the George Washington University School of Medicine. Additionally, Dr. Stixrud is the author, with Ned Johnson, of the nationally bestselling book, The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives, What Do You Say: How to Talk with Kids to Build Motivation, Stress Tolerance, and a Happy Home, and The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child: A Workbook. About Ned Johnson Ned Johnson is president and “tutor-geek” of PrepMatters, an educational company providing academic tutoring and standardized test preparation. A battle-tested veteran of test prep, stress regulation and optimizing student performance, Ned has spent roughly 50,000 one-on-one hours helping students conquer an alphabet of standardized tests, learn to manage their anxiety, and develop their own motivation to succeed. Ned is the host of the The Self-Driven Child podcast. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Washington Post, NPR, The Guardian, Wall Street Journal, US News, Seventeen, and many others.   Things you'll learn Why empowering children with autonomy fosters their development, motivation, and ability to navigate their own reality Why connection matters more than control, and parents should act as supportive guides rather than enforcers The role of self-reflection, an understanding of different temperaments, and a willingness to listen without pressure in effective parenting (guiding) How to cultivate respectful environments where children feel safe to explore, make decisions, and learn from their experience Why raising self-driven children leads to the best outcomes for their lives as self-determined and self-actualized adults   Resources mentioned The Seven Principles for Raising a Self-Driven Child: A Workbook by Dr. William Stixrud & Ned Johnson Ned Johnson / Prep Matters What Do You Say? How to Talk with Kids to Build Motivation, Stress Tolerance, and a Happy Home by Dr. William Stixrud and Ned Johnson The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives by Dr. William Stixrud and Ned Johnson Conquering the SAT: How Parents Can Help Teens Overcome the Pressure and Succeed by Ned Johnson and Emily Warner Eskelsen Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0

This episode is sponsored by Abel Now, tax-advantaged savings accounts for eligible individuals with

0:05.9

disabilities. If you're a parent, you know how important it is to plan for your child's future,

0:10.5

but if your child has a disability, saving money can feel complicated, especially when you're trying

0:15.2

to protect their eligibility for certain benefits like Medicaid. That's where Abel Now comes in.

0:22.5

Abel Now accounts offer a tax-advantaged way to save for your child's future needs without jeopardizing eligibility for

0:27.0

those critical disability services and supports. Funds in your account can be used for a wide

0:31.9

range of expenses, everything from education to health care, housing, transportation, and even basic

0:37.2

living expenses.

0:38.6

Abel Now accounts are available to qualified individuals in all 50 states. Are you eligible?

0:43.7

Visit Abel Now.com to learn how you can start saving today and join thousands of families using Abel Now to

0:49.6

secure a brighter future for their loved ones. What are we going to do as parents?

0:55.4

What do we think is right?

0:56.9

What's the right thing for us to do?

0:59.8

And then to do that and not try to change the kid.

1:04.3

I think that the idea that you really, if we try to make somebody do something, you try to make a two-year-old do something, and they lay on the ground and start screaming. If the ID is getting in the car, you can pick them up and put

1:11.0

them in the car, but they aren't getting in the car. You simply can't make an infant stop crying.

1:15.6

We can't make them eat. And once we make peace of the fact that force doesn't work, we can't

1:21.5

make people do things. Force is off the table. Then we're more flexible. Then we think more

1:27.3

flexibly. We find other ways to

1:29.1

help to influence people and help them find their own reasons to change. I'm Debbie Reber,

1:35.9

and welcome to Tilt Parenting, a podcast featuring interviews and conversations aimed at inspiring,

1:41.3

informing, and supporting parents raising differently wired kids.

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