Welcome back to Adult Child, where we take a deep dive into the impact of

growing up in a dysfunctional family. And today, we are taking a deep dive into one of the most

damaging repercussions that comes from growing up in a dysfunctional family. Shame, but not just

any kind of shame. The kind of shame you feel when you become the school slut in the seventh grade,

or the kind of shame you feel when you're gay and your dad is the pastor of an evangelical

mega church. This is what we call toxic shame. And yes, you will be hearing both of those

stories today. So before we dive into toxic shame, let's talk about regular old shame, the human

emotion of shame, which is a painful feeling that arises when we have the awareness that we've

done something dishonorable or improper. And while no one wants to feel shame, obviously, it is

unfortunately a fundamental part of the human experience. And it's actually healthy to experience

from time to time. Why do I say that? Well, first off, it lets us know that we aren't a sociopath,

as sociopaths typically don't experience shame. So yay there. But more importantly, shame often

serves as the catalyst to positive change in our lives. You see, shame is the red flag to self

that we have acted out of alignment in a moral sense, that we have acted in a way that is not

aligned with our integrity. Therefore, it reminds us of our essential limitations as humans

that we are not perfect, that we will make mistakes. And thus, it presents us with an opportunity

to grow and become better versions of ourselves. However, this ain't the case with toxic shame.

You see, toxic shame is internalized shame. And when an emotion is internalized,

it no longer functions as an emotion, and it becomes one's identity. So one shame is internalized.

It no longer is an emotion for that person. It is no longer an emotion that signals our essential

limitations. It becomes a state of being, a core identity, and this is the core identity of an

adult child. Our childhood experiences may vary, but what lies underneath is this all pervasive

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