How's everybody doing? It's a live show. It's going to be tonight. And just before we get started, I have to say, tonight is a weird show before we get into it. We've got lots of requests for poetry, funny smut, all the rest of it. A little bit of a weird show on the author's side. I've been snowed in at the end of the world. It's like two degrees outside. There's

snow, there's wind, there's all kinds of elemental stuff. And so I have done everything I can to

grab as much radiant heat as possible and then pack it into myself and then shut everything off

so that you guys can have a good show.

What that means is taking a really hot bath, taking a really hot lunch, not eating much besides,

because believe it or not, digestion actually slows down your metabolism and shit.

So not eating much, eating hot, take it a hot bath, and then I'm literally in a pair of sweats

that I've owned forever. And then I'm wearing a pair of socks that one lady of the night got me.

I'm wearing a robe that another lady of the night got me. And I'm wearing, I'm under a blanket that a

third lady of the night got me. So I'm as wrapped up as

possible. And even relating this right now, none of the ladies here have any fucking clue what I'm

saying. What I'm saying is I'm freezing my balls off and I'm miserable. So if this is one of those

moments where everyone's like, hey, everybody, you ready to have a good time tonight?

And it's like, yeah!

And it's like, well, I'm not.

I'm not.

I'm about to suffer for the next few hours.

Everyone's like, yeah!

And I'm like, okay, well, tone it down a little bit.

My favorite personal Mitch Hedberg joke of all time, people like escalators, temporary stairs,

all that.

My personal Mitch Headberg joke that I thought was just the greatest, and I still think

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