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The Gray Area with Sean Illing

This changed how I think about love (with Alison Gopnik)

The Gray Area with Sean Illing

Vox Media Podcast Network

Society & Culture, News, Politics, News Commentary, Philosophy

4.610.8K Ratings

🗓️ 13 June 2019

⏱️ 93 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Alison Gopnik is a professor of psychology and philosophy at the University of California Berkeley. She’s published more than 100 journal articles and half a dozen books. She runs a cognitive development and learning lab where she studies how young children come to understand the world around them, and she’s built on that research to do work in AI, to understand how adults form bonds with both children and each other, and to examine what creativity is and how we can nurture it in ourselves and — more importantly — each other. I worry when I post these podcasts with experts in child development that people without children will pass them by. So let me be direct: Listen to this one. I didn’t have Gopnik on the show to talk about children; I had her on the show to talk about human beings. What makes us feel love for each other. How we can best care for each other. How our minds really work in the formative, earliest days, and what we lose as we get older. The role community is meant to play in our lives. There is more great stuff in this conversation than I can write in an intro. She’s changed my thinking on not just parenting but friendships, marriage, and schooling. Some of these are ideas you could build a life around. This is worth your time. Book recommendations: A Treatise of Human Natureby David Hume Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll The works of Jean Piaget Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Now enough the care shows up in the GDP.

0:03.7

So we have no way of saying, is this a country where people love each other and sit and

0:09.8

listen to the problems that their child has or their partner has or their friend has?

0:16.4

That's all completely invisible or even take care of their old people.

0:20.3

That's all completely invisible.

0:30.0

Hello, welcome to the Client Show on the Vox Media Podcast Network.

0:49.2

So I've been reading a lot of parenting literature lately.

0:52.5

You can guess why.

0:53.8

And I'll be honest, I don't like most of it.

0:55.7

I think it's quite bad.

0:58.0

And it's bad because it's, I don't know, it's like I key documents for raising a kid.

1:05.5

And most of it seems very focused on a lot of the wrong things.

1:09.8

And it's just remarkable how distant it feels from the experience.

1:13.0

How I mean, how little there really is in a lot of these books about love, about trying

1:17.9

to be a good person or raise a good person.

1:21.1

But of the books I've read, there's one that's had this very, very big effect on me, which

1:25.2

is Alison Gopnik's book, The Gardener and The Carpenter.

1:29.0

Gopnik is a professor of psychology and philosophy at Berkeley.

1:32.8

And this is a quite remarkable book about child development, but also about why and how

1:37.2

human beings love and what are the different kinds of care.

1:41.5

The thing that we talk a lot about in here that affected me so much reading the book and

1:45.2

it's much more, it's much broader than about having children, but it's a way love is

...

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