The legendary, the captivating, the epic human, the nesovan-edwards, the charismatic human behavioural detective is back, guys. Now, she is someone who's superpower. Literally, her superpower is deciphering the hidden secrets behind our smiles, our handshakes, our quirky quirks. And she is now joining me in this two-part episode that you don't seriously want to fricking

miss guys. With her contagious enthusiasm, with her absolute sweet and daring contagious enthusiasm, she has a great incredible knack of decoding, the social puzzles that she's helping us learn to read between the lines and spot the lies like a fricking pro. that now now on, people don't get to manipulate you or trick you because you see the signs the second they walk in the door. So guys, get ready with your pen and paper because there's gonna be so much information here, on exactly how to show up and spot the hidden signals. Now, before we dive in guys, if you want to elevate your listening experience and empower yourself even freaky more than you already do, then go check out Women of Extra Impact subscription on Apple Podcasts. You can listen guys with zero ads and exclusive curated playlists on essential topics like health, confidence, business and relationships that you can access with utter ease. To go over right now and give yourself a dose of extra impact and subscribe to get your first week absolutely free. Go to apple.co-slash-womenofimpact. That's apple.co-slash-womenofimpact. We have to get very specific on what cues are and what they mean. That way we can trust, hmm, I have an instinct this person is lying to me. Okay, I know exactly what cues to look for, to confirm or deny that bias. I wanna talk about gut instinct, women's intuition, and whether we can trust our instincts and intuition, or whether there are signs and cues that we can actually steer by instead of just saying, I've got to gut feeling, and you being the master of behavioral science, it's going to help us break down all the things that we can identify so that we don't waste our time, so that we can assess people accurately and we can hold the power. Yes, okay, let's do this. First impressions. Good instincts. So research has studied first impressions and on average they find our first impressions are only 76% accurate. Notice I said only, 76% sounds like a lot. You're like 76, accurate, great. That leaves 24% that's not. So what I want to talk about today is, yes, we do have a first impression, but there is a lot of room for, is this person truly a good person? What are their intentions? And what's most important here is your own filters. So yes, we have great gut instincts, but your filters can mess up your first impressions. Here's an example, this is a study that changed my life. They found that neurotic women, so women who are warriors who are a little bit more emotionally sensitive and oftentimes neurotic women have overbearing mothers. That's a whole other topic. That they often misinterpret facial expressions as negative. So they will look at neutral faces and find a neutral face negative. This means that if you have a filter where you're looking for negativity, where you've been burned in the past or you have a bad relationship history, you could misinterpret someone who's neutral as negative. So we have to be really aware that yes, we have these filters. And so I think a much more accurate way to interpret people is yeah, you can trust, you're good instinct, but following up with a specific nonverbal protocol to make sure that you are identifying all the cues that you know exactly what you're seeing. Another really interesting study, just one more, is they devise a study where they had computer generated faces and they generated certain faces to be threatening. There's faces that we find more threatening based on brow shape and chin shape and eye shape. And they computer-generated very threatening faces to not threatening faces at all. When they showed people, pictures of these faces, people could very quickly identify the threatening faces. No problem. But when they took away the very threatening faces and they only showed people non-threatening faces, people made up threatening faces. In other words, we sometimes are looking for these negative cues. We have a very strong negativity bias. And so if you meet 10 amazing potential partners in a row, your brain will be looking for something wrong out of some of them and might make it up. Oh, so what do we do that? It's called a negativity bias. So I believe me, I wish I could, we say we were all positive and optimistic, but that's not always the case. We, it's for survival back in our cave man days, we had to be constantly kind of on the hunt for problems. Right, if we were laying in our cave, we had to go, is it gonna rain tomorrow? Should I harvest early? Should I collect more water? Like we had to be on the lookout for negative, for problems so that we could solve them ahead of time. The problem is today, that remains, and it can be a sticking point in a lot of our relationships. It messes up our speed reading, because we think, well, there has to be something wrong with this person.

There has to be.

And so we look for, we make up things that might be wrong with them because our brain is searching for something negative that we could then try to fix. Okay, that's so powerful. And as you were talking, then, my mind also goes to bit as a great defense mechanism. Absolutely. When you have been burned, if someone has abused you, whether they've lied to you and you found out later

or they've abused your trust,

something happens that you go,

well I'm going to remember that next time, it's never going to happen again because it's so heartbreaking. So how do you know in those moments then when something is a negative bias or an accurate assessment that you've trained yourself to look out for so that you don't get her again. Cuse protocol. We have to get very specific on what cues are and what they mean. That way we can trust, hmm, I have an instinct this person is lying to me. Okay, I know exactly what cues to look for, to confirm or deny that bias. And that's what I want to talk about today is like confirmation. Is I have this gut's

instinct, okay, great. You just picked up a scent. Do not trust that instinct until you verify it. Verification and confirmation. Then you know, okay, I know I saw those cues and I also know what to do about it. If you see a cue, a danger zone cue or something that makes you feel nervous, what do you do with that information? And so my goal is yes, you got instinct as I need to pay close to attention.

That's all it is.

Having a spidey. that makes you feel nervous, what do you do with that information? And so my goal is, yes, trust you're got instinct as I need to pay closer attention.

But that's all it is. Having a spidey sense or not liking someone or worried about someone just means that you have to pay closer attention. It doesn't mean you have to refuse them from their life or they're definitely a problem. It means you have to dig deeper. All right. So I'm assuming let's just put the situation where someone's gonna date yet.

Do you then advise it to be longer? It means you have to dig deeper. All right, so I'm assuming let's just put the situation

where someone's gone on a date. Yeah. Do you then advise it to be longer than a coffee? Because again, I'm hearing people these days in the dating world where they're like, I don't want to do dinner because I know within the first 10 seconds, Lisa, whether I actually am interested in them or not. And so why on earth should I do an entire dinner? If can actually thin slice them, do a, you know, a micro assessment on their behavior and then decide within the first 10 seconds. Is that like a bad idea? Are we actually doing a detriment to the data world right now by only doing a coffee? Okay, there is a difference between attraction and negativity bias. Okay. Right? So if you're going on a date with someone,

yeah, in the first 10 seconds, your body and your brain can very quickly assess if there's an attraction there. For example, in this research is pretty new. They haven't identified exactly what's happening, but they think that when we first see someone else as a potential mate, we're trying to assess would they be a good hormonal match for us? So for example, we can tell a lot about someone's hormones.

It's kind of crazy by our facial shape, by the shape of our jaw. We're trying to assess would they be a good hormonal match for us. So for example, we can tell a lot about someone's hormones.

It's kind of crazy by our facial shape, by the shape of our jaw. For example, like, so I'm a female. So if someone was assessing me and a male was looking at me as a petal mate, they might be looking at the health of my hair. They might be looking at the symmetry of my features, which indicates estrogen. and I'd be looking at the quality of my skin to see if I'm nutritionally healthy.

Our brain is making all those calculations.

Even if you don't want kids, we're still kind of subconsciously making those calculations. So you are right. People are right into saying, the first time I meet someone, I have to do an attraction check for sure. And that might be a short coffee because you're just trying to see our hormones sinking up. Is there an attraction here? Yes. The next step though is the idea of trying to speed read someone's personality. So attraction is step one. Great. You're attracted to someone. By the way, that could be friends too. Right? I feel like when I meet someone right away, I know if we're going to be good friends or not. Like, I was with Tom over here and then like, I saw you in the kitchen and I was like, who's that? That's my friend, right? And we just immediately hit it off. We go off to the side. So I think this works physically but also for friends as well. Where you just know if there's this vibe, okay, that's attraction. That's something different. The next thing is speed reading their personality. In that case, it is helpful to have at least a couple of minutes beyond small talk questions. The reason for this is the very first step of speed reading. Speed reading is this idea that you want to get to know someone quickly and so you want to know their intentions. Can you trust them? Are they friend or foe? Are they on your side? That's what speed reading is trying to very quickly assess if someone is going to be on your side. Okay, so I like to think it's be reading in three different steps.

The very first step is you have to have enough time to baseline someone. Baselining is the very first step of speed reading someone. Baselining is how someone looks, sounds, and acts under non-threatening normal circumstances.

So let's take the dating example, okay?

So let's say that you're on a date with someone

and usually the first five to minutes of a date

...