So there seems to have been, at least according to my producers who send me this stuff because they like to see me suffer, a proliferation on Tik-Tock in recent weeks of viral challenges that women draft their unwitting husbands and boyfriends into.

Do you want to play a game?

The problem with these tests is that they're invented by women,

for men, with a lot of womanly assumptions

about what they mean and what a man's failure or success signifies.

So let's go through these one by one.

First we'll go back a few weeks to something called the Bird Test.

And here's how the Bird Test works.

The Bird Test theory is basically a predictor for whether or not your relationship is going to succeed and it kind of goes like this.

Let's say that you and your partner are sitting at a coffee shop and you see a bird outside and you mention it to them.

Your partner could be like, oh oh that's a really cool bird and

engage with you and take interest in what you just said or your partner can

dismiss it all together and be like okay it's a bird what about it? The idea is if your

partner takes interest in the mundane little small things that you talk about,

the relationship is just more likely to succeed because your partner has genuine interest in whatever you say, regardless of whether that thing is a small thing or not.

On the flip side, if your partner kind of keeps ignoring your bids, that's kind of a sign that the relationship is going to fail because whether small or big your partner is not

giving attention to the things that you personally care about just for the sole reason that you care about it.

Now this is the kind of thing that makes sense if you've never been in a relationship that lasted more than three months.

You know nothing. You might have the expectation that your partner will be quote

genuinely interested in whatever you say but in the real world will be

in whatever you say,

nobody on earth will ever be genuinely interested in everything you say.

...