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Chapter 6, Part 1. June 18th.

The misery of self-reproach, which I suffered yesterday evening,

on hearing what Laura told me in the boat-house,

returned in the loneliness of the night

and kept me waking and wretched for hours.

I lighted my candle at last and searched through my old journals

to see what my share in the fatal error of her marriage had really been,

and what I might have once done to safer from it.

The result soothed me a little,

for it showed that, however blindly and ignorantly I acted,

I acted for the best.

Crying generally does me harm, but it was not so last night.

I think it relieved me.

I rose this morning with a settled resolution and a quiet mind.

Nothing's her Percival,

Conceyor Due shall ever irritate me again,

or make me forget for one moment that I am staying here

in defiance of mortifications, insults and threats,

...