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These people just make noise and basically waste our time.

Dear members of the media and the public, I welcome you.

Live from the heart of Atlanta, Georgia and beyond, hour one of the Von Hessler Doctrine

begins right now.

I am your lovable, huggable.

Radio chat host, Eric von Hessler.

The other voices you hear are the doctrinares, man of a thousand voices,

Tim Andrews, lady of 184.7 characters, Autumn Fisher,

the man behind the glass, George Clark,

and the handsomest producer in all of producery, Jared Yamamoto.

I think everybody in America was watching the MTV VMAs last night. Oh my gosh. Everybody was watching. Congratulations to all of our winners. Yay. Ariana Grande had a big night. What about Taylor Swift? She had a big night? She doesn't show up? I didn't go. She didn't go? Well. People were speculating. They're like, why is she not here? Is she pregnant? What's going on? No, I would never. Was she up for any award? She doesn't really have any product out. I don't think she was up for any. Sometimes they make up an award for a star like that, like best touring act or something like that. Best engagement. Best engagement.

Sorry that I missed that, but I happened to have seen a great

football game last night at the same time.

You didn't go to bed like us chumps.

No, I didn't go to bed, but

and I want to get to the Falcons because I thought I saw

a lot of great things from the Falcons. We have got a quarterback in Michael Pennings. I believe that's true. But I started worrying about coup somewhere in last year. That dude was money for so long, and then he started to get a little shake. Was there an injury that I didn't need? Yeah, he got injured last year. Okay, All right. He has not been the same since really the first half of last year. And... Autumn knows. He gets... Audum and I were texting about this. He's drinking decaf. Yeah. Yeah. That's wrong. He has a second cup of coffee after dinner. Yeah. He does... You know what he's his habits and his training? He's been vomiting a lot. He gets one more game from this Falcons fan. Are you saying he's pregnant?

Is that what you're... Yeah, he does, you know, his habits and his training. He's been vomiting a lot. He gets one more game from this Falcons fan.

Are you saying he's pregnant?

Is that what you're...

...