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Dear members of the media and the public, I welcome you.

Live from the heart of Atlanta, Georgia and beyond, hour one of the Von Hessler Doctrine begins right now.

I am your lovable, huggable, radio chat host, Eric von Hessler.

The other voices you hear are the Doctrinez.

Man of a thousand voices, Tim Andrews.

Lady of 184.7 characters, Autumn Fisher, the man behind the glass, George Clark,

and the handsomest producer in all of producery, Jared Yamamoto.

Well, I'd say that lovely voice there was a nice way to cheer me up.

Dear members of the media and the public, I welcome you. I am a digital person.

Aren't we all? That makes me feel much better. I'm a digital person. I got 10 digits.

You know, I felt like the show just hasn't been welcoming enough. Maybe we've been on the air too long. Maybe we're a little too comfortable.

But, and we forget, when the show begins, you want to have a very welcoming voice that says,

hello, come on in. Dear members of the media and the public, I welcome you. I am a digital person.

You know who that is, by the way? Who is that? You have the longer clip of Ukrainian? I put it in there. Did you...

So, this is an actual spokesperson for Ukraine to keep us all up to date on the real facts.

And it's a, this is not a joke. This is real.

Dear members of the media and the public, I welcome you.

My name is Victoria Shee.

I have been created by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Ukraine,

...