THE SHAME SPIRAL: How to stop feeling like a failure and embrace who you are

LATE BLOOMERS

Rich & Rox Pink

Self-improvement, Education

5.0 • 599 Ratings

🗓️ 26 February 2025

⏱️ 30 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Why do so many people with ADHD struggle with shame? In this episode, Rox and Rich break down the cycle of self-criticism, exploring how productivity culture, masking, and forgetfulness fuel feelings of failure. Rox opens up about her own experiences with shame—from harsh self-talk and fear of judgment to the pressure to appear "put together"—and how it impacted her relationships, creativity, and mental health.

Rich shares his perspective on supporting a partner with ADHD, highlighting the importance of compassion, communication, and breaking free from unrealistic expectations. Together, they unpack the difference between shame and guilt, why self-acceptance is essential, and how reframing your inner dialogue can transform your self-esteem.

You’ll also hear practical tools for overcoming shame, including:

Rewriting negative narratives about yourself
Letting go of perfectionism and over-apologizing
Doubling down on your strengths instead of fixating on your struggles
Surrounding yourself with people who see and accept the real you

If you've ever felt like you're "not good enough" or that your ADHD makes you a failure, this episode is a reminder: You are not broken. And it's time to start believing that.

Transcript

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0:00.0	This week we're going to talk about the shame spiral and how to break free from self-hatred.
0:04.6	We're going to talk about where the shame spiral comes from, things like productivity culture, RSD and masking.
0:11.0	And we're also going to discuss some practical ways for actually changing it and starting to live your best life.
0:17.6	Welcome to late bloomers where we are getting our lives together.
0:21.4	Eventually,
0:29.4	so it's the shame spiral, something that I know very well. You do know it very well. Like,
0:42.0	better recently, but actually, historically not so good. It's basically feeling like a failure despite trying your best.
0:44.9	That's kind of the story of my entire life.
0:48.7	And I think it's the story of so many ADHD or neurodivergent people that we keep trying and trying and trying to be neurotypical and plot twist it never works well shame is such a
0:57.4	powerful powerful thing isn't it it's like it's just a word it's a five letter is it five letters
1:03.1	yes a five letter um and it's used loads but actually it's really destructive. I think when I feel shame, it is so deep.
1:17.2	It's in my body.
1:18.3	It is like burning self-hatred, embarrassment,
1:24.1	just wanting the ground to open up, swallow me up,
1:28.4	to never be seen, to never try again.
1:30.6	It's just like deep, deep, deep self-loathing.
1:34.0	I don't know why this comes to mind,
1:35.5	but my first ever music video comes to mind.
1:38.7	That was a big old.
1:40.1	Oh, yeah, when you were like you had put on a bit of weight, you look great, but like in your eyes,
1:49.0	you were really nasty to yourself the night before the music video.
1:53.4	I mean, I was shouting at myself. I'm disgusting. I'm a let down. I'm a failure. I always do this.
	...

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