The Science of Lasting Love with Dr. Sue Johnson

The Knowledge Project

Shane Parrish

Business, Society & Culture, Technology, Education, Self-improvement, Investing, Entrepreneurship

4.7 • 2.9K Ratings

🗓️ 19 August 2025

⏱️ 128 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

This conversation will change how you handle your relationship starting tonight. The late Dr. Sue Johnson basically gave me a cheat code for relationships that not only last but amplify. She breaks down the real signals to look for in a partner. Why people actually cheat (not what you think) and how to spot it coming a mile away. Plus she offers a simple framework that can turn fights from something that pushes you away to something that brings you closer than ever. We dig into how to keep the spark alive (even after kids), how to survive the empty-nest phase, and three simple things you can do to strengthen your relationship. Doesn't matter if you're single, dating, married, or divorced. You need to hear this. ------ Approximate Timestamps: (00:00) Introduction (07:11) The Life Cycles Of Relationships (08:13) How Do We Choose A Mate? (17:42) Emotional Responsiveness (24:18) Attachment Panic (32:31) How To Deepen Romantic Relationships (43:53) Isolation In Parenthood (59:50) Sexual Problems Unresolved Lead To Poor Intimacy (1:04:07) Ad Break (1:09:10) Affairs and Infidelity (1:36:58) The Stages Of Emotional Connection In A Relationship (1:39:27) Warning Signs Of Relationship Detachment (1:44:48) Predictors Of Success In Couples Therapy (1:51:29) When Relationships Become Transactional (1:55:09) Raising Kids And Creating A Safe Parental Alliance (1:58:51) Retirement Phase ------ Upgrade: Get a hand edited transcripts and ad free experiences along with my thoughts and reflections at the end of every conversation. Learn more @ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠fs.blog/membership⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ------ Newsletter: The Brain Food newsletter delivers actionable insights and thoughtful ideas every Sunday. It takes 5 minutes to read, and it’s completely free. Learn more and sign up at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠fs.blog/newsletter⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ------ Follow Shane Parrish X ⁠⁠⁠@ShaneAParrish⁠⁠⁠ Insta ⁠⁠⁠@farnamstreet⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠LinkedIn⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	You know, the way people deal with problems, the way people protect themselves or their relationship from problems, backfires and becomes a prison.
0:13.5	Welcome to the Knowledge Project. I'm your host, Shane Parrish. My goal with this show is to help you master the best of what other people have
0:21.2	already figured out, so you can use their insights in your life.
0:30.5	My guest today is the late Sue Johnson. Dr. Johnson pioneered emotionally focused therapy.
0:37.3	EFT is a structured approach that helps couples and individuals build stronger emotional bonds by addressing
0:43.3	attachment needs and patterns in relationships.
0:47.3	I recently relistened to this incredible conversation and realized just how timeless it is and
0:53.3	how much of an impact it had and continues to have on me to this day.
0:57.7	And most of you listening have never heard it. It doesn't matter if you're male or female, single or in a relationship.
1:05.3	This conversation will help you better understand yourself and others. Here are a few of the top ideas that stuck out
1:13.3	with me as I relisten to this conversation. The first idea is around criticism. When you or anyone
1:19.8	in your life that you deeply care about is passive aggressive or criticizing or complaining or
1:26.1	demanding, it's really a cry for help. We do this when we feel
1:30.7	alone, when we feel like other people don't care about us, when we need attention and want other
1:37.1	people to pay attention to us. This reminds me of something Esther Perel told me in episode 71.
1:45.9	And she had this line that has stuck with me ever since. And she said, behind every criticism is a wish. Most people respond to this
1:53.9	criticism, this escalation, this passive aggressiveness by shutting down. If you grew up without having
2:00.0	a secure relationship modeled for you,
2:02.1	you just shut down because you think that's how you protect yourself. You shut your partner
2:07.4	out. You shut everything out because you think that you can't get hurt. I don't know about you,
2:12.7	but this is what I tend to do by default. I feel like I need to protect myself. Like nobody can hurt me if I just
2:18.6	shut down. And when we shut down like this, when everyone in our life shuts down like this,
	...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Previous episode | Next episode

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Shane Parrish, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of Shane Parrish and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.