The Pursue-Withdraw Pattern: Why Partners Disengage Rather Than Open Up: Episode 244

EmPowered Couples with The Freemans

Aaron & Jocelyn Freeman

Education, Society & Culture, Relationships, Self-improvement

5.0 • 589 Ratings

🗓️ 9 August 2022

⏱️ 24 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Having hard conversations is a part of being in a marriage. These conversations come up when you feel disconnected, when a past conflict is unresolved, or when you are feeling disconnected and want to get back to connection. Depending on each of your styles of communicating, when you go to have these conversations, you might end up in the "Pursue-Withdraw" pattern.

In this episode you will hear the dynamics of this pattern, where one of you is trying to engage but the other pulls away, as well as the steps to take to get out of this pattern. Once you can navigate this pattern, you will feel confident that you can better handle these hard conversations while being on the same side with each other.

Resources For Your Relationship:

Register FREE for the LIVE Webclass August 17th, 2022 on: Handling Hard Conversations in Marriage and Creating a Safe Space For All Emotions.

After that date, you can also sign-up for a 2-on-2 Relationship Breakthrough Session here

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello and welcome to the Empowered Couples podcast. We're here you get modern, non-boring relationship
0:05.1	advice for you and your partner to communicate like pros, fight smarter, and stay in the same team
0:10.1	no matter the challenge that you face. I'm one of your host, Aaron Freeman. And I'm Jocelyn Freeman,
0:14.2	but you all just know us as the Freeman's. And this episode is about the pursue withdraw pattern
0:19.2	why partners disengage rather than open up. All right, the pursue withdraw pattern why partners disengage rather than open up.
0:23.1	All right. The pursue withdrawal pattern is going to speak to a lot of you because this
0:28.4	affects a lot of couples, maybe not in all seasons, but definitely in some. And, you know,
0:33.8	ultimately in a relationship, no matter the challenge or the topic that you're
0:38.8	really trying to work through, maybe it's parenting, maybe it's a financial decision,
0:43.1	maybe it's just overall a hard season for you too, right? There's some kind of a hard conversation
0:49.8	happening. That's been the theme lately, right? Aaron is talking about hard conversations,
0:59.8	feeling uncomfortable. Yeah. I mean, if you've been following along, we shared, and it's probably even more I shared, that last week was one of the hardest weeks I've had, not specifically
1:05.0	in the marriage, but from an outside investment that was being mismanaged and not going well and that's triggering
1:11.5	a lot of patterns for me, then what brings us here today really is, yeah, I had a lot of
1:17.3	emotion going on. And for really four days just about, I was bringing that energy back home.
1:25.2	And now being where we are now on this this I really do see that for many of you
1:29.5	listening if your partner is going off to a stressful job and they are bringing that back home like
1:34.9	I'm really getting the impact that that has because I was starting to bring that energy to you
1:40.8	which is impacting you and I'm like watching that happen, even though there was like,
1:45.6	you know, I wasn't able to transform that in those three days.
1:48.2	But I do want to say this, Wednesday night, you had more of a straight conversation with me.
1:56.9	You can add the details as you remember them.
	...

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