The Pressure to Make Them Proud: Letting Go of Conditional Love

The Angry Therapist Podcast

John Kim

Mental Health, Health & Fitness

4.6 • 1.1K Ratings

🗓️ 13 October 2025

⏱️ 47 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

What happens when love feels like pressure - when “I’m proud of you” never came? In this honest conversation, John Kim and John Wang, author of Big Asian Energy, talk about growing up with parents who equated love with achievement, and what it takes to finally feel enough on your own terms. In this episode, you’ll hear about: The invisible weight of trying to make your parents proud Why love often sounds like pressure in achievement-driven families The difference between being accepted and truly belonging Healing generational patterns of sacrifice and self-doubt Redefining success to include joy, rest, and self-worth 📘 John Wang’s book, Big Asian Energy, is available HERE and wherever books are sold. 👉 Follow John Wang on Instagram @johnwangofficial John Wang's Website HERE Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE John’s SubStack HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	If I get my kid a phone, I'll be able to keep in touch with them all the time.
0:02.8	We'll be on it all the time.
0:04.1	He could walk to school by himself. She could see something, she shouldn't. He could chat with grandma. Friends, trolls. They can access anything on the internet. They can access anything on the internet. So, should I give my kid a phone? Growing up with phones isn't always easy. Introducing EEE safer Sims. Sims that help moderate usage and shield harmful content on any smartphone.
0:24.2	Choose EECF. Growing up with phones isn't always easy. Introducing EEE safer Sims. Sims that help moderate
0:21.4	usage and shield harmful content on any smartphone. Choose EEE safer Sims. Only on the UK's best
0:26.9	network. To verify best network see EE.com.uker. I remember one time I came back with like a 92%
0:32.4	on my math test, which is for me was like a, like I achieved a miracle.
0:38.2	Right, right.
0:41.9	And my mom's first reaction was like, yeah, what happened to the other 8%?
0:42.6	Yeah.
0:46.0	Like your cousin got 100 and, you know.
0:49.8	I have this running joke that if my mom won the lottery,
0:52.0	the first thing out of her mouth would be like,
0:54.5	oh, the taxes have to pay on the 600 million. Do you know how much taxes oh, the taxes have to pay on the 600 million.
0:58.5	Do you know how much taxes I'm going to have to pay on the 600 million?
1:05.4	And, you know, that's a product of fighter flight, survival, upbringing and all that,
1:12.7	which is, you know, wired them that way for them to protect themselves and only see all the risks and stuff, you know,
1:14.5	the bad, you know.
1:15.1	Absolutely.
1:23.9	I'm John Kim, a licensed therapist who used to be a miserable fuck before going on a hero's journey and turning expired relationships into revelations.
1:27.3	I use my story to help others come with you instead of at you,
1:31.8	unrehearsed on purpose, because self-help doesn't have to be polished or complicated.
	...

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