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The Angry Therapist Podcast

The Power of Not Giving a F*ck After 40

The Angry Therapist Podcast

John Kim

Mental Health, Health & Fitness

4.61.1K Ratings

🗓️ 15 October 2025

⏱️ 27 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

There’s a freedom that comes in your 40s that no one warns you about - because it doesn’t come from achievement or success. It comes from shedding. In this episode, John and Vanessa talk about what it really means to stop giving a f*ck - not in the cynical sense, but in the self-loving one.It’s about choosing your energy wisely, letting go of people and stories that no longer fit, and returning to who you were before the world told you to shrink. This is the power of midlife clarity. It’s not burnout - it’s rebirth. In this episode: What “not giving a f*ck” really means (hint: it’s not apathy) How turning 40 rewires your priorities Knowing what’s yours to own - and what’s not The end of proving yourself and chasing validation Returning to your core self The quiet strength of keeping promises to yourself Mentioned in this episode: Vanessa’s Inter Compass Academy - coaching through the lens of depth psychology. Join the next cohort HERE⁠ or learn more about Vanessa HERE Follow Vanessa on Instagram: @vanessaabennett Join John in Costa Rica, Dec 1–5. A retreat for connection, creativity, and fresh starts with an optional two-day medicine journey. Sign up HERE John’s SubStack HERE Order John's new book, Break Up. On Purpose,⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Follow John on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Find out more about John⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ HERE⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

Adobe Acrobat Studio so brand new.

0:02.0

Show me all the things that PDFs can do. Do your work with ease and speed. PDF spaces is all you need. Do hours of research in an instant. Key insights from an AI assistant. Pick a template with a click. Now your Prezo looks super slick. Close that deal. Yeah, you won. Do that, doing that, did that done. Now you can do that, do that with Acrobat. Acrobat, now you can't do that, do that, doing that, did that done. Now you can do that, do that with acrobat. Now you can do that, do that with an all-new acrobat. It's time to do your best work with your new Adobe Acrobat Studio. I have a knowing of the kind of person I am. I know that I'm not perfect. I know that I screw up sometimes, but I... Can I tell you all the ways that you're not

0:38.8

perfect? I'm just, I'm just kidding. Sorry. I know that I'm not perfect. And like I said, it's not about

0:45.1

not having accountability. But I also think that a little bit of this is like energy matching. Like,

0:49.7

I'm not interested in spending time and energy on people that don't match my energy.

0:55.3

That's something I used to also do, which, by the way, also had to do with proving my worthiness

0:59.2

and proving my lovability because I would be the chaser and I'd be the one that would try

1:03.0

to make the relationships work, even though it wasn't equal, right?

1:09.4

I'm John Kim, a licensed therapist who used to be a miserable fuck before going on a hero's journey and turning expired relationships into revelations.

1:17.7

I use my story to help others come with you instead of at you, unrehearsed on purpose, because self-help doesn't have to be polished or complicated.

1:28.3

Just honest. Okay, we'll just take a beat for anyone who is sick and tired of making content.

1:40.3

And also, I'm not someone who would say that because, uh,

1:44.2

I love documenting my story.

1:46.8

I've been doing it for so long, but I got to be honest.

1:49.0

Fuck, man, I'm 52 and I'm tired.

1:51.2

I'm just tired.

1:52.7

The amount of content you have to make.

1:55.1

And then the, the, the short form, the long form, the written word.

2:03.2

And then also if you, if you write books for a living,

2:07.7

holy shit. All right, enough for complaining. You know what I'm grateful for? And by the way,

2:23.1

we usually do this in bed, but today we have to pick up our child. And listen, her child started school. Not only did she start school, she took the bus day one.

2:34.0

And in the city, I got to say, especially if going to public school, I don't think I would met our child take the bus unless that was what we thought was best for her. Like she needs to experience some like some grit and some.

...

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