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Hello, I am Andy Zoltzman, and I have here a whiteboard detailing all the possible outcomes

of this episode of The News Quiz.

Sure, whatever way you look at it, the numbers don't really add up.

And for something like a half hour radio show, I should probably put a bit more effort in

than just scrolling it on a whiteboard.

It's not like it's a pop standard pandemic or anything.

But anyway, Plan A for this comedy show is just to let the panelists talk about

their saddest Christmases until it's too late to get the show back on track.

And Plan B, oh, there is no Plan B.

So, fingers crossed, and welcome to The News Quiz.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello, and welcome to The News Quiz.

I am Andy Zoltzman, and if anything I say in this show,

obviously contradicts something I said on the show in a previous edition,

please remember, I actually mean it this time.

LAUGHTER

Our teams this week, we have team Herding Unity against Team Nurd in Mutiny.

LAUGHTER

On team Herding Unity, we have Alice Fraser and Lucy Porter.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And on team Nurd in Mutiny, it's Hugo Rifkin and Delis O'Shauponda.

...