4.8 • 701 Ratings
🗓️ 1 July 2025
⏱️ 25 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
In this episode of No Visible Bruises, I’m exploring something that’s gone viral recently, Mel Robbins’ “Let Them” theory and whether it actually supports or harms survivors of narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse, and coercive control.On the surface, the “Let Them” approach sounds freeing. Let them ignore you. Let them walk away. Let them show you who they are. But when you’re a survivor, especially someone recovering from relational trauma, “letting them” isn’t always simple. It can activate shame, abandonment wounds, or even put you back in harm’s way.So today, I’m unpacking this idea through a trauma informed lens, asking:
• Can “Let Them” truly empower survivors?
• Or does it risk invalidating your trauma responses?
• What happens when “Letting Them” feels like fawning or freezing, not freedom?
I also weave in Internal Family Systems (IFS), one of the key therapeutic approaches I use to show how different parts inside of us might respond to “Let Them” in wildly different ways. One part might crave detachment. Another might panic at the thought of being dismissed.I’m reflecting on:
• Why some self-help theories, while well-meaning, need adaptation for trauma survivors
• How IFS helps us make sense of conflicting inner responses • What “Let Them” looks like from a somatic and parts-based perspective
• And how we can take what works from the theory while still honouring our healing processIf you’re trying to unhook from a narcissist or toxic family system, this episode is for you. It’s raw, reflective, and designed to help you feel seen, not shamed.Don’t ever be alone in your journey and make sure you come and join my private Facebook community, No Visible Bruises where you can connect with other survivors of narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse and coercive control:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/novisiblebruises.
Disclaimer: The views and opinions shared in this podcast are those of the individuals involved and are intended for informational and educational purposes only. They do not substitute professional or medical advice. If you’ve been affected by anything discussed in today’s episode, please consider reaching out to a qualified healthcare provider or mental health professional for support. You’re not alone, and help is always available.
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0:00.0 | Welcome to No Visible Bruises, the podcast that shares real-life survivor stories of narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse and coercive control from a physiology first and nervous system perspective because you can't think your way out of this. You need to feel to heal. I'm Caroline Strawson, a survivor myself and now a trauma expert and |
0:23.6 | educator. I am here to create change and understanding of the unseen abuse that we are not taught |
0:30.5 | about in schools and to heal from the inside out at a nervous system level. Let's break the silence |
0:37.2 | and change the narrative because we heal |
0:40.4 | together. |
0:47.0 | Massive welcome to no visible bruises. As always, it's my absolute pleasure to be here helping |
0:54.1 | you on your survivor journey of narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse and coercive control. |
1:00.7 | Now, in today's episode, I want to talk to you about the let them theory and internal family systems. |
1:07.6 | Now, I was lucky enough a couple of days ago to go and see Mel Robbins at the Apollo |
1:14.2 | Theatre in London. And I don't know whether any of you have read the book The Let Them |
1:18.4 | Theory. And it's really struck a chord with me because as a recovered people pleaser, |
1:24.1 | it has always been where I was absolutely looking to please everybody else |
1:29.7 | other than myself. And I just absolutely loved obviously going and seeing her up on stage. |
1:35.1 | And the beauty was I got to meet her beforehand because I'm a fellow Hayhouse author myself, |
1:39.2 | which was fantastic. And I took my daughter as well. So my daughter's 17. And I love the fact of immersing her in positive thinking, you know, really looking at things through a different lens, probably the stuff that they don't get taught in schools. And of course, she's grown up with me. Made a ton of mistakes along the way, I have to say, particularly when I was with my ex-husband. But luckily for her, |
2:01.6 | she's 17 and she was three years old when we split up at the start. And obviously, a lot of the |
2:07.6 | healing I've done on myself has really impacted both of my children. I have a nearly 21-year-old son |
2:13.7 | now too. And both of them, you know, whilst we all have parts of ourselves that we're always |
2:18.4 | working on what they both know at 17 and nearly 21 I didn't know till I was in my 40s and actually |
2:25.6 | what I really loved about going and seeing Mel Robbins as well was her sharing her struggles her journey |
2:31.3 | because you know what we're all human beings at the end of the day. |
2:34.9 | And as I was sat there watching her and she was sharing, you know, the concepts of let them |
... |
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