I want to talk to you today about the importance of grace.

Grace is my new favorite word. I think it's going to be my keyword for 2018.

This community attracts women who are very ambitious. A lot of people in the world are not, and they like to sit in their pain, and they like to stay comfortable.

The women in our community tend to be thirsty for somebody to explain to them exactly what to do. And that's what we do here.

These women say, “Give me the top five steps, and I’m going to get it done. I’m going to ace it, and I’m going to do it to perfection.”

That is a wonderful quality to have. It’s something we all share. We can go through a to-do list like nobody’s business. We can make things happen.

We’re the glue that holds our family together.

But let me tell you: it can also be our greatest liability. We are too hard on ourselves.

We don't offer ourselves the forgiveness that we are offering others constantly, and we are holding ourselves up to a standard that is so darn high. We’re exhausted trying to achieve it. And it's never achievable.

Maybe occasionally there will be a day or a moment where you’ll feel on top of the world because you're meeting all these huge goals for yourself and you have nailed everything, but for the most part, we‘re falling short of these expectations.

I suffer from this too. I left my alcoholic and substance abuser many years ago, but I still carry with me the trait of this need for perfection. And I still struggle with the idea that if it's not done perfectly, it's not done right; it’s not good enough.

It is important to offer grace not only to those we love, but it is just as important—if not more important—to offer grace to ourselves. To fall short of these crazy expectations that we have on one another and on ourselves and go, “You know what? We tried. We get an A for effort. And that’s good enough.”

If you're having a hard time forgiving the one you love who’s addicted and hurting you, I want you to give yourself grace. It’s okay. You can't forgive them today. Tomorrow is a new day.

You can try again.

If you’ve joined one of our programs: Love Over Addiction, Love Over Mistakes, or Love Over Boundaries, and you're learning and listening, you're watching the videos, and you're filling out the workbook, but you're still not able to commit 100% to the tools that you're learning and you're still making mistakes, that’s okay. I want you to offer yourself grace.

Take a deep breath. Understand that you are doing the best you can do in one of the most stressful situations that anybody has to go through.

You are living with somebody who is choosing drugs, alcohol, pornography, gambling, or other women over you. That’s devastating. That hurts. That’s painful.

And I’m not sitting here telling you to stay stuck. I’m not giving you permission to go around grumbling and griping or yelling and screaming all the time. I’m saying that it’s okay to take a pause and acknowledge the fact that you are still here and you're still trying after all this time.

Take a moment to look back at the woman you once were, look at the progress that you have made, and celebrate those small victories that you have accomplished.

You need to offer yourself grace.

This is one word that can heal your life. And it's also important to offer it to those we love.

But first, start with yourself. Because if you cannot offer yourself grace, how are you possibly going to offer it to those around you? You can't.

You're running on empty. You are resentful. You’re frustrated, and you’re critical. And all that negative spew, all that poison that comes out of your mouth and in your thinking—that’s a killer. That's the addiction.

So take a pause today, and offer yourself some grace. I promise, if you learn to be kind and gentle with yourself and treat yourself tenderly and lovingly, you will be able to interact with everybody else in your life with that same kind of tenderness.

If you’re ready, I would love to teach you practical tools that will make all the difference the next time your loved one comes home drunk or high. Imagine not getting into an argument, not feeling angry or disappointed. Imagine not letting it ruin your evening.

That can happen but you have to be willing to do the work. Join our program and get to work so that you can have that relationship breakthrough you know you need.