Welcome back to Women of Impact. In part 1, we slowed everything down. We talked about green flags, red flags and the big, quiet question. So many women end up holding on to, do I marry him? Or do I leave his ass because he's actually toxic and I need to move on? And if that put up a lot for you, then part 2 is where we dive deeper. Because once you start understanding how men think, why certain conversations shut them down and why confusion keeps showing up in the same places over and over, then the next Question becomes...

I know... Because once you start understanding how men think, why certain conversations shut them down, and why confusion keeps showing up in the same places over and over, then the next question becomes unavoidable. What if this isn't just a rough patch? What if he isn't just going through a bad time? What if this is his toxic ways, and this is a pattern? Now, Dr. Spirrow and I go deeper into the dynamics to really impact your sense itself. We talk about how women slowly start to doubt their instincts, how narcissistic patterns

can show up. Now, Dr. Spirror and I go deeper into the dynamics of really impatuous sense itself. We talk about how women slowly start to doubt their instincts, how narcissistic patterns

can show up without you even realizing it, and how the signs that means it's time to

stop explaining and seriously ask whether it's a relationship that's actually safe for

you.

So in part two, we're getting into the signs that you need to have freckin, run-like

health, including what it really means when defensiveness, gaslighting or emotional shutdown becomes the norm in your dynamic. We also go over the different types of infantility and how you can take responsibility for your part without actually carrying the blame and the shame that was actually never yours to begin with. Then finally we go into how to tell the difference between genuine interest and CD seduction so you know if you're building something real or just being kept in for that moment. Now if you've ever been feeling that nudge, that sense that it's time to really see what's in front of you then stay with me ladies because we're going to dive into part two right here with Women Impact. Can I ask you a really hard question? No such thing. Let's go. How many women are honest enough to say things like, you're right, I didn't give you enough sex, you're right, you see, you just listen to your band, right? As you were saying, I'm like, oh God, that's so hard to take ownership over. I'm a full ownership person, but I can imagine it's very hard for a woman. Let me give you an example. can imagine a woman was like like, all right, just had your spirit, but sure, I wasn't giving it in a sec. I just had a baby. Sure, I wasn't giving it in a sec. My mom has cancer. How do you navigate taking ownership in those scenarios without the blame and without using excuses? It is trying to recognize it's about wounding the relationship or protecting it. And both of you have to be the hero in the relationship constantly trying to protect it. There is you, there is your partner, and there is your relationship. So if my mom has cancer, we have never had a conversation as we are in the cancer journey together about how I'm doing, about how you're doing, about how our relationship is doing, about how we are navigating this journey together to make sure that we're okay. No, I'm over here trying to make sure that she's surviving. You're over here feeling alone or frustrated having too much time on your hands. There's a problem and a disconnect that's happening already, and either we don't have time or energy or awareness to address it in order to ensure that we're a fair proofing and protecting our relationship. So in an infidelity, we both played a role that got us to where we are are is often a very hard thing. And I will tell you that what makes it even harder, sometimes the hardest, is having this conversation in the sacred space of therapy, getting them to understand this, and then having her go out and talk to her friends or her go out and talk to her family. And when she says, no, well, I mean,

I played a role in some of this too. Her friends go, what the fuck? Leave that therapist. Did she really try to get you to think that this is your fault? And she'll go, well, I mean, not. She's not saying that it's my fault. I mean, she's just trying to help me understand. and all of a sudden they'll be like,

that is some bullshit.

That is, do you hear what she said?

And all of a sudden they'll be like, that is some bullshit. That is, do you hear what she said? And all of a sudden she goes, yeah, they're trying to brainwash me and they're trying to make it okay for him that he cheated on me. Hell, no. That is not what we're saying. But that's why relationships are so nuanced and that's why you have to be careful who you entrust in the most intimate spaces. Because if you let the wrong people in, or I will say when the right people love you, they can still give you the wrong advice that doesn't help you grow and doesn't help you create the life for yourself that you're trying to. I literally just had a divorce attorney on and he was saying, when women are like,

yeah, I'm leaving his arms, because he cheated, women are like, yeah, there you go, go, go. It's way less popular when a woman's like, actually, I took him back and we're working on it. Yeah, because all of a sudden they're like, you what? What we have been conditioned to believe is that when we are able to work through transgressions, especially around sexual infidelity.

We don't see financial infidelity

the same way, social infidelity, spiritual infidelity, and I love to tell people that infidelity is the same across the board. It is a violation of a commitment that we agreed between the two of us. We will tolerate most infidelity's except for where he puts his penis, not recognizing that all of the problems have the same root. When we make agreements, if I violate them, that is an infidelity. I have broken my vow and my commitment to you. I told you that I would not spend more than $200 and I've been tucking away $2,000 for the last 12 years, because my mother taught me, never let the left hand know what the right is doing. Always save a little of yourself for you. That is a violation of the marriage. Or worse, I had my heart broken before, so I made the decision that I'm never gonna give all of myself to someone else again. And so as he's trying to get in there, he's trying to make sure that he's just satisfying you in every way. There's part of you that says, I will never love anybody like how I love that last time. That is a violation in your relationship. And so people say, well, what would you have me to do? I have to make sure that I can survive in the event that this doesn't work out. And what I will say is that you're already protecting yourself from the person that you are committing to be completely in alignment and become one with. That's why choosing well matters. And if you are in relationships with someone that you find yourself having to protect yourself from, having to save of yourself from having to hide part of yourself from that should be a sign that something is out of alignment for you. That is the ultimate flag on the play because the only flag that matters is the one that diminishes who you are in your life and in the future that you're trying to create for you. That's the ultimate red flag on the play. All right, let's count. I love this so much. All right, so let's go to the next one. So this is the why does he do that? Why when I bring up a problem, he gets defensive, says I'm too sensitive and makes it my fault. This is such a common topic that women say every time I bring up a problem, and it's so popular that even Taylor Swift said it in one of her interviews. I just want to play a quick clip of how popular it actually is. The most rage-provoking element of being a female is the gaslight that happens when, you know, for centuries, we've been just expected to absorb male behavior silently, right? And oftentimes when we in our enlightened state and our emboldened state now respond to bad male behavior or somebody just doing something that was absolutely out of line and we respond that response is treated like the offense itself. You know there was there's been situations with recently with somebody who's who's very guilty of this in my life and it's a person who makes me feel or tries to make me feel like I'm the offender by having any kind of defense.

So yeah, the issue that as a woman, I mean, even Taylor Swift has it, right? You have a problem. You go to someone, you go to partner and you express it and they completely diminish your emotions. They call you too sensitive. Then you turn around and you're like, well, am I too sensitive? Oh, gosh, you're going to pull that up. And the game what it ends up doing is it starts the silence you more and more down the like because you don't want to speak up anymore. But you know what?

The most... around you like, well, am I too sensitive? Oh, gosh, you're gonna pull that up. And again, what it ends up doing is,

it starts the silence, you more and more down the line

because you don't want to speak up anymore.

But you know what?

The most rage-provoking part, I will be so excited when we finally get to the part where the most rage-provoking part is you realize that happened and you stayed. See, we think it's just enough to bring it up.

I defended myself, I responded to it.

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