The importance of validation with therapist Caroline Fleck
ReThinking
TED
4.7 • 626 Ratings
🗓️ 18 February 2025
⏱️ 41 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Seeking acceptance is a natural part of the human experience — but do you know how to dish it out? Clinical psychologist Caroline Fleck believes that validating others is a key to building stronger relationships. She and Adam discuss strategies for recognizing another person’s feelings, the distinction between empathetic validation and exaggerated praise, and why sometimes saying less is more.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Michael Lewis here. My best-selling book The Big Short tells the story of the build-up and burst of the U.S. housing market back in 2008. A decade ago, the Big Short was made into an Academy Award-winning movie, and now I'm bringing it to you for the first time as an audiobook narrated by yours truly. The The big short story, what it means to bet against the |
| 0:22.4 | market, and who really pays for an unchecked financial system, is as relevant today as it's ever |
| 0:28.1 | been. Get the big short now at Pushkin.fm.com or wherever audiobooks are sold. |
| 0:38.6 | Their emotions may be valid, even if their thoughts are not. |
| 0:43.5 | Their behavior may be valid, even if their thoughts are not. |
| 0:47.7 | And all I need to do is find which of those is valid and validate that. |
| 0:55.7 | Hey, everyone, it's Adam Grant. |
| 0:57.8 | Welcome back to rethinking, my podcast on the Science of What Makes Us Tick with the |
| 1:02.0 | TED Audio Collective. |
| 1:03.4 | I'm an organizational psychologist, and I'm taking you inside the minds of fascinating |
| 1:07.4 | people to explore new thoughts and new ways of thinking. |
| 1:13.8 | My guest today is clinical psychologist Caroline Fleck. She's a therapist who teaches at |
| 1:18.7 | Stanford and specializes in helping her clients connect and change. Her new book, Validation, is a |
| 1:25.0 | powerful read on building better relationships. |
| 1:30.7 | You can contort yourself in all sorts of ways to meet other people's approval. |
| 1:36.1 | Validation communicates acceptance and belonging, and there's no need for contortion. |
| 1:39.1 | It's just being as you are and being seen for that. |
| 1:48.2 | And I think we do all deserve that. Hey, Caroline. |
| 1:49.3 | Hey, it's so great to speak with you. |
| 1:51.9 | You've been the target of a lot of people's burdens and needs and unwanted emotions for a long time. |
| 1:58.0 | Mm-hmm. |
| 1:58.6 | Mm-hmm. |
... |
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