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Welcome to Ambridge on the couch, an in-depth look at the archers with me, Jeff Thomas, Lucy Freeman, James Everett and Matt Rodriguez Payne.

Now, before we stay here, so hoo-hoo, how poor you are.

Now, I don't think anybody noticed, I should just continue.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Seameless, Geoffie, seamless.

Now, before we make a start on your emails, let's have a recap of what happened this week in Ambridge.

Quick catch-up of the week before Christmas week, baffling things included Tracy looking forward to Christmas shopping and jazzer to his turkey leg meat sandwich.

And Joy had won too many proscicos and dreamed she was holding a massive corsette.

They were having a party to celebrate the opening of the shop, which seems a desperate reason to have a marquee,

but sod it. People have got married for less. Esme was even more giggly than usual, which I am

putting down to hysteria, as she's running out of winter bedding and paying herself a pound an hour.

Christmas week itself began with joy saying everything was lovely from the Advent service,

which appeared to have been

dominated by Martha standing on a pew and singing very loudly, which everyone charitably thought

was lovely to the new shop and its tasteful greenness. There is trouble in paradise with Rory

and Paul over driving. Teaching someone to drive is fraught with disaster. At age 17, my father attempted to

teach me to drive in a long wheel-based land rover, which was so successful I was too frightened to get

behind the wheel for another 20 years. Adam said accompanying a learner driver takes a special sort of

...