The Gottmans: “Contempt DESTROYS Your Immune System” - Are You REALLY Listening to Your Partner??

We Need To Talk with Paul C. Brunson

FlightStory

Leisure, Relationships, Society & Culture

4.8 • 652 Ratings

🗓️ 8 October 2024

⏱️ 98 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

In this episode, Dr. John and Dr. Julie Gottman, world-renowned relationship experts and founders of The Gottman Institute, share their research-based insights into what truly makes relationships work. With over 50 years of research on marital stability and parenting, they dive deep into key issues like how contempt can destroy your immune system, and why certain toxic behaviors—like criticism and stonewalling—are major red flags in relationships. They also debunk common myths such as "Never go to bed angry" and explain how empathy and emotional intelligence are critical to lasting love. The Gottmans provide practical advice on how to manage conflict, heal from childhood trauma, and create deeper emotional connections. Whether you're navigating daily disagreements or looking to rebuild trust after betrayal, this conversation is filled with valuable takeaways to help you strengthen your relationship and build a healthier, more fulfilling partnership. Find the Gottmans here: The Gottman Institute - https://g2ul0.app.link/H16ipH9ywNb Instagram - https://g2ul0.app.link/CJZlSOczwNb Follow me here: https://www.instagram.com/needtotalk https://www.tiktok.com/@weneedtotalkpod Topics: 00:00 - Intro 02:02 - Do People Still Believe In Marriage Today? 09:23 - What Defines A Successful Marriage In Modern Times? 13:09 - What Percentage Of Couples Are Truly Happy In Their Relationships? 15:47 - Inside Paul’s Matchmaking Process On MAFS (Married At First Sight) 17:51 - Are Successful Couples Less Exciting? The Truth About Stability 21:24 - What Is The Love Lab And How Does It Work? 22:38 - Shocking Discoveries From The Love Lab: What Science Says About Love 26:18 - The Power Of The 'Six Second Kiss' In Relationships 29:38 - Do The Gottmans Use Their Own Research In Their Marriage? 32:51 - How Important Is Sex For A Healthy Relationship? 37:46 - Why Date Night Matters More Than You Think 40:37 - The Ingredients Of A Perfect Date: How To Get It Right 43:03 - Paul's Ultimate First Date Test: Does It Predict Success? 45:52 - The Key Principles Of A Successful Marriage Revealed 49:46 - The Top Reason Couples Fight And How To Avoid It 50:45 - The Different Conflict Styles In Marriage: Which One Are You? 55:27 - Is Conflict Good For Your Relationship? Here’s The Answer 57:22 - How Important Is Compatibility In A Relationship? 58:40 - The Questions You Should Ask To Truly Understand Your Partner 01:06:16 - How To Resolve Conflicts And Strengthen Your Relationship 01:08:57 - Should You Stay With A Partner Who Won't Resolve Conflicts? 01:11:10 - Tinder Ad: How Modern Dating Apps Are Changing Relationships 01:12:12 - The Four Horsemen Of Relationships And Why Contempt Is The Worst 01:14:47 - When Is It Time To End A Relationship? Key Signs To Watch For 01:16:24 - What Is Flooding In Relationships And How To Manage It 01:18:46 - How To Self-Soothe When You’re Emotionally Overwhelmed 01:21:17 - Should You 'Never Go To Bed Angry'? The Real Answer 01:22:22 - Can You Rebuild Trust After Infidelity? Here’s How 01:28:33 - How To Know If Your Relationship Is Failing: Warning Signs 01:31:26 - What’s The Most Memorable Relationship Conversation You’ve Had? 01:35:00 - Outro 01:35:28 - Paul’s Final Takeaways On Love And Relationships Sponsored by: Tinder - https://tinder.com/en-GB Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	Today's guests are Dr. John and Dr. Julie Gottman, leading experts in relationship research and therapy.
0:07.0	With over 50 years of experience, John is renowned for his groundbreaking work on marital stability,
0:13.0	while Julie is an acclaimed clinical psychologist.
0:17.0	Together, as a married couple themselves, they co-founded the Gottman Institute,
0:21.6	dedicating their careers to helping couples create stronger, healthier relationships.
0:26.6	During this conversation, the Gottman share their decades of research.
0:31.6	They dispel common myths about compatibility.
0:34.6	Compatibility isn't important. That's big. The myths around conflict.
0:40.8	There are some conflicts that are deal breakers. Understanding has to proceed problem solving.
0:46.6	The red flags that the Gottbeens come across in therapy. And he said, compliments. Don't give them.
0:52.1	Don't want them. And how to resolve those issues. You really need
0:56.1	to address the question honestly and transparently of how are you? And we talk about the vital
1:02.9	role of small deli gestures. Six-second kiss. You're trying to do that daily. I mean, John looks like
1:08.3	he wants to kiss you right now. I know. That's why I was
1:11.5	disappointed. We're so far apart. I hope you find this conversation as enlightening as I did.
1:17.0	Before we get into it, I want to ask you for a favor. We want to make sure these impactful
1:21.3	conversations get to as many people as possible. By following this show and leaving a review,
1:26.9	you help these conversations reach the people they need to. show and leaving a review, you help these conversations
1:28.0	reach the people they need to. If you send a screenshot of you doing both to the We Need to
1:33.4	talk Instagram page, I'll pick 10 of you to come down here to the studio to meet me, the guests,
1:39.3	and let us know who you'd like to see on the show. Thank you.
1:59.9	One thing that I've seen is the drop in whether or not people believe in the institution of marriage.
	...

Please login to see the full transcript.

Previous episode | Next episode

Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from FlightStory, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.

Generated transcripts are the property of FlightStory and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.