Hey, TED Talks Daily listeners, it's Elise Hugh.

Today, something a little different.

You're about to hear an episode of Design Matters with Debbie Millman, another podcast in the TED Audio Collective.

Debbie has these wonderful, warm conversations with incredibly creative people about how they design the

arc of their lives. And in honor of Valentine's Day, we thought you'd enjoy this conversation

with relationship therapist Esther Perel. This is a classic episode that I have returned to

for its richness. If you like it, you can find and follow Design Matters wherever you're listening

to this. Ten years ago, Esther Perel took a big turn in her career. She was a psychotherapist

noon for her clinical work with intercultural and interfaith couples. She has since turned her

attention to relationships and sex. In 2007,

she wrote a book titled, Mating in Captivity, Unlocking Erotic Intelligence. In 2013, she did a TED Talk,

The Secret to Desire in a Long-Term Relationship, which has been viewed more than 10 million times.

Two years ago, she gave another popular TED talk, Rethinking Infidelity.

That talk led to a new book, The State of Affairs, Rethinking Infidelity.

She joins me today to talk about sex, marriage, cheating, and everything.

Esther Perel, welcome to Design Matters.

Thank you.

You've said that being a couple's therapist is probably the hardest type of

therapy to be in and to practice. It's the best theater in town. Why is it so difficult?

Because it is a system that can get so intense and so invested with so many expectations and so many dreams and it starts off and out in such an Olympian level and then it just collapses.

And the collapse is really with people saying, I'm doing something wrong.

The disillusionment of love is generally blamed on the other, you know, what they're doing wrong, how they've left you down,

...