This reporting was supported by the International Women's Media Foundation's Howard G. Buffett Fund for Women Journalists.

Hi, my name is Sarah Topol and I'm a contributing writer for the New York Times magazine.

Two and a half years ago, in the middle of the night, Russian soldiers invaded Ukraine.

Ukrainian military casualties are a closely guarded secret,

but at least 31,000 Ukrainian soldiers have been killed since then,

although that is definitely an undercount.

And according to British intelligence, more than half a million Russian soldiers have been

killed or wounded.

Just who are these soldiers fighting for President Vladimir Putin's

ambition?

How did they explain their involvement in this war? And for the story you'll be hearing, I set out to write about

the Russian military and meet as many service members as I could. I talked to 18 soldiers and officers who fled the war at the risk of

retribution by the Russian regime. And what I learned was that a lot of these men

had families and partners who followed them into exile

into these terrifying and dangerous lives.

And so I found myself writing not just about Russia on the front lines, but about Russia at home.

And there was one person I spoke with whose story I couldn't get out of my head. A man I'll call Ivan.

Ivan grew up in a military family.

He attended a military academy and became a captain in the armed forces of the Russian Federation.

It was a steady job with a decent paycheck.

He ended up getting promoted and on the very night he celebrated his promotion, he also met a woman I'll call Anna.

Ivan and Anna fell deeply in love, got married, started a family.

...