Well, welcome back to Finn versus History. I'm with Horatio Gould, as ever.

And this is part two of our series on the Cuban Missile Crisis to get you back up to speed Kennedy is the horniest man in the world Cruce's the ugliest man at the time the ugliest man that's ever lived at that time there's other Russian pregnancy There are new depths to sink to Brezhnev is hot in his heels There's guys being kept to nuclear submarines so they're not bringing up until they need to there to. Yeah. Brezhnev is hot in his heels. Yeah.

There's guys being kept to nuclear submarines.

Yeah.

Until America strikes first, they're not going to launch their ugly guys out of the

submarines.

Yeah, exactly.

So Gorbachev's in a submarine at the moment.

Yeah, he's in a submarine and someone's cracking an egg on top of his head.

Because he's what they call their second strike policy. Yeah, yeah. Because you need to have, an ugly person needs to come up. Yeah. But then you need to be able to send an ugly person. But at this stage, they still think they can negotiate with America. I think they're only bringing up Gorbachev when negotiations have failed. Yes. And it's like, well, we're going to have to bring out the eglis guy we've got. Yeah. So if you just, basically... Because there's an act of wanton aggression to bring Gorbachev out straight away. That's too much. That's actually a war crime for him to take... History won't reflect on you well if you brought up Gorbachev without being provoked.

If you put Gorbachev in a room and took his hat off, you're guilty of war crimes.

So if this is the first episode you've listened to, stop, go back because it turns out Russia won the Cold War because what was at stake was actually who was ugliest.

Well, history is, you can look at it from a million different perspectives. History's written by the uglies. That's that famous saying, isn't it? History's written by the hugers. Well, no, history is the hot people. That's why we sold as the Cold War being a victory to the hottest. Yes, exactly. But it was actually, if you... So are you saying the FIPP guys won the Cold War? No. I'm saying that they sold it as them winning it.

Yes.

Because the couple of...

Because people listen to them because they're not horribly ugly... Well, they said because the Soviet Union collapsed and capitalism became the world system, they said they won. Yeah. But actually, the project was to find the ugliest guy in the world. Yes. From the service, they were like, well, we found the ugliest people.

I mean, we weren't.

They packed up and left because they'd already done what they'd set out to do.

They unveiled Gorbachev and went, there is nowhere else to go.

Yeah.

He's got an egg, he's got an egg on his head.

Where else can you possibly go than a man with an egg on his head?

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