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Big Time Adulting

The Burnout is Real

Big Time Adulting

Caitlin Murray

Personal Journals, Comedy, Society & Culture, Momlife, Parenting, Kids & Family

4.9 • 811 Ratings

🗓️ 6 September 2023

⏱️ 35 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Even though dads today are taking on more housework and childcare than in past generations, moms typically carry ALL the mental load for the family, a term referring to the cognitive logistics, worry, and decision-making involved in managing a household and family. The mental load can be described as an unending mental checklist that anticipates every need for the family and home. This might include strategizing meals, researching schools and the best eczema cream, remembering to schedule doctor's appointments, organizing calendars, managing the family's emotional needs, changing the bed sheets, signing Johnny up for soccer, remembering that the toilet paper is out, snacks are low, or whether you paid the babysitter last week, not to mention the endless worrying about your kids and if you're doing enough. This "invisible labor" often goes unnoticed by your partner. It's exhausting and no surprise we're dealing with an epidemic of burnout.

Today’s guest, relationship expert Dr. Morgan Cutlip, PhD, has helped hundreds of thousands of people worldwide learn how to form and maintain healthy relationships. Morgan knows what it feels like to lose yourself in motherhood, and she’s determined to help mothers navigate it better.

In this episode, Caitlin and Morgan talk about why carrying the mental load leads to burnout, how to start expressing our needs, and why they hate the term self-care. If that's not enough to lead you in the right direction, Morgan just wrote a book, Love Your Kids Without Losing Yourself.

Follow Caitlin Murray @bigtimeadulting

Connect with Dr. Morgan Cutlip:

The Big Time Adulting podcast is brought to you in part by a few of Caitlin's favorite brands & affiliate partners:

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

We are parenting now way differently than past generations. We're like cycle breaking and like doing

0:08.5

all these things, which is wonderful, but it's freaking way more work to parent that way. And we parent

0:14.6

with a lot of hypervigilance, a lot of intensity. We have really, really almost impossible standards

0:20.5

for ourselves as parents.

0:21.8

And I think this is just like this whole other layer to the parenting experience that makes

0:26.5

motherhood really extra draining, makes our load way heavier because now we're not just like,

0:33.0

are you crying? We're not just like responding like that. We're like, what is the phrase that expert said?

0:38.3

I don't want to cause trauma. And so we're like really hypervigilant about stuff. And that is

0:43.3

exhausting.

0:51.1

Hi, everybody. Welcome back to big time adulting. Thanks for tuning in today. I was going to say chiming in, but I'm going to be the one who's chiming in here. My guest today is Dr. Morgan Cutlip. Morgan is a psychologist who's been in practice for 15 years and she's made her mission to help women, specifically mothers now, navigate this very hairy time of what it's like to kind of feel like you've lost yourself after having children.

1:27.1

And I think that's just such a highly

1:29.4

relatable and real experience for mothers. And I just like to start off by welcoming Morgan.

1:36.3

Hi, Morgan. Hi. Thanks for having me. You've recently wrote a book,

1:41.5

Love your kids without losing yourself. I think it's something that women get

1:46.3

really confused by sometimes. It feels like if you're prioritizing yourself, that you're being

1:53.0

selfish or not being a good mom. And that is just such a toxic message and way to go about life.

2:01.6

You know, it's just hard enough as it is.

2:03.8

So why don't you get us started and just telling us a little bit about like you and how

2:09.1

you came to this line of work?

2:12.2

Yeah.

2:13.2

So, gosh.

2:14.7

So I've actually worked with my dad for a number of years. He's a doctor in psychology, and he

...

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