What up guys, I'm Lisa Billy, I'm co-founder of Quest Nutrition, co-founder and president of Impact Theory, host of Women of Impact and now all the radical confidence. So you may think of me as having confidence today, but guys, let me freaking tell you that is far from where I started. Throughout this episode you're going to hear the role or ghost of ride that I've been on my confidence. And by being guys, you're going to leave with no BS lessons on how the

hell you become the hero of your own life. So, Pete, roll up your freaking sleeves and let's

F and Go. We don't let our dreams die by chance. They aren't taken away from us. We're not unlucky. It's a choice. Only I didn't see it like that at the time. The first dream killer choice I made was dismissing my own happiness. I had so much, had come so far, that I believed it was selfish to be unsatisfied with what I had. Rather than listening to that annoying voice that was brightly whispering, that something was wrong, I put my fingers in my ears and la la la my way to try and block it out. Because I felt like holding onto my dreams meant that I was ungrateful for what I had. Was I unhappy? No doubt. But did I think unhappiness alone was a good enough reason to make a whole bunch of changes, changes that might make other people uncomfortable? I wasn't there yet. So rather than having the radical confidence take the initiative myself, I just kept waiting for things to change on their own.

After all, many would have killed for my life. But guys, you can be over the top, freaking grateful for what you have and you can be madly in love with parts of your life and be utterly miserable in others. For eight years, I lost myself, gave up on my hopes and my dreams.

I had massive, audacious goals to be the first female movie director to win the Academy

Award.

And yet I found myself swapping out my dreams for tradition. So I stayed home and supported my husband, like I thought a good Greek woman should. For eight years, I found myself dismissing the fact that I was actually miserable and to make sure that I wasn't paying attention to how miserable and unhappy and stuck I was I came up with things that would distract me. It's what I call having a squirrel to chase Like the dog in that movie where it has a squirrel and it goes off into a direction to be distracted That's what I found myself doing and every single day I would fill it up with things that would make me not pay attention to

how unhappy I was. Things like doing grocery shopping and trying to carry as many bags I possibly could and being proud of myself that I carried more today than I did yesterday. Or finding myself actually colour coding my husband's sock drawer. Guys, you think I'm freaking joking? But I'm actually deadly serious. These are the tiny little squirrels that we often use to

the stress. husband sucked raw. Guys, you think I'm freaking joking? But I'm actually deadly serious.

These are the tiny little squirrels that we often use to distract ourselves and dismiss how unhappy we are. We fill our day up so that we actually don't feel the fills of the fact that we're not living the freaking life we wanted. And so I want to talk about killing the damn squirrel.

And guys, the most freaking horrific thing about everything that I just said is I didn't think I had a choice. I was literally convincing myself that every day was just a given. I didn't realize that every day was an upper freaking tunity to make a different choice. And even worse, as I was going through these days, I was convincing myself I was living the life I should be living. We put blinders on and so often, we don't actually see the reality that is in front of us. I was on vacation with my sister. And we're going through the airport. This is early days where I had been in the stay-at-home

wife for about six to seven years.

And I'm going through the airport with my sister

and we get to customs.

And as if you've been to customs before, but they fill out these sheets and there's like, okay, you have your date of birth, where you've been, where you live. And then it's an occupation. And so the guy's stand behind the counter,

turns me and he's like, oh, what's your occupation?

For a second I started.

For a split second, I was like, I don't know what to say.

And in that split second, my sister, who I love more than life itself, next to me, just says, so matter of factly, oh, she's a housewife. Now, in that moment, guys, I didn't even realize. I was so shocked by the the fact that she had said that I was a housewife. Now look, I wanna preface this, by saying there's nothing wrong with being a housewife. If that's the life you want, it was not the life I wanted, not the life I dreamt about, and definitely not the future. I thought I was gonna have. And so the whole time, I was a stay-at-home wife supporting my husband, I freaking convinced myself that wasn't the case. I didn't even allow myself to see the freaking truth that was right in front of me. It took my sister, someone on the outside, to just matter, fatally, non-shelently point out the life I was living. It felt like a slap in the face. But the truth was, that was just the reality. And sometimes you need a slap in the face for us to actually see the reality. We really cannot see ourselves the way other people see us, but let's face it. We all freaking make assumptions anyway. We make assumptions about how they see us and who they see us to be. Now here's the thing guys, there's nuance to this, because sometimes you don't freaking listen to the outside world, you don't listen to who people think you are, you listen to yourself. And yet, in some moments, like this with my sister, my sister saw something I didn't. And so, I've actually brought my sister on on because it is so important that we see that sometimes how we see ourselves isn't how other people see or think of us. And look, like I said, sometimes that can be amazing and other times that can be detrimental. But in this case, I want to hear from my sister because it was so strong that she saw something in me that I didn't. And while in the moment guys it felt like a bit of a freaking slap in the face like a real freaking backhand up. The truth was that when it came from my sister, someone that freaking loves me more than life itself, I had to just take it as truth. So here we go, let's hear from my sister. So the interesting thing is, is that I don't actually remember this incident and it's interesting how something can be so significant to one person and yet not significant at all to someone else. We got to customs, this is my memory of the event. We got to customs. The customs officer asked her the question as to what she did for a living and she hesitated. So in that scenario when you're faced with a security officer who's asking you questions you just almost spit out an answer. So in my haste to answer a question on her behalf I just said that she was a housewife. So growing up, being a housewife and a mother was really normal in the Greek culture. That's what was expected of most women, that's what they would end up doing is getting married and taking care of a family. And to me, that was quite normal. It had no meaning to me. But obviously to Tulisa, it was a very different situation and that somehow sparked in her a feeling of that she wasn't where she wanted to be, that she somehow she had let go of her dreams, her hopes. And it spurred her then actually into action and into changing her life and pursuing what she really wanted to pursue because she realised that she wasn't happy. So even though my remark wasn't meant in a horrible way, it wasn't meant to demean her, it wasn't meant to make her feel badly about herself. I do recognise that it did actually do that. But that was probably a good thing. It was probably the best thing that could have happened in that moment because it changed her trajectory and the course of her life. I know how it feels to feel stuck. I've been there. That feeling, where you literally do not know if there's a way out. That feeling of, do I deserve to have a better life? That's a hard question guys, because when you were just living in the purgatory of the mundane, where your life hasn't actually hit rock bottom, where things are actually okay, they are fine. In those moments you wonder if you have even the courage to ask for more. In those moments you wonder if you even deserve to ask for more. And guys I know how that feels. But trust me you do not have to stay there. And that's why. That's why the story with my sister in immigration is the most beautiful story ever. Because she freaking slapped me in the face metaphorically and woke me up. I was living a life of just being fucking fine. What the hell? I needed that slap. I needed that realization that actually I did have a choice and just like I made small

tiny choices every single day to be stuck I actually could make small tiny choices in the opposite direction to get myself out and so the dream freaking killers of mine there's three dream killer number one is dismissing your own freaking happiness. Do not do it. Do not dismiss. Do not diminish. Do not deter from that goal of that dream that you freaking deserve. Dream killer number two is not freaking being specific about what that dream is. As an example, for eight freaking years,

I was saying I wanted to make movies. What the hell does that mean? Do I want to make animation? Do I want to make short films? Do I want to make low budget? Because if I decided that and I said, oh, I can make low budget, I could have started just today. But I just left it up in the air. I want to make movies. So it actually didn't move forward.

A number 3, 3 dream killer.

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