Terry Real: Relationships, Trauma, and Inner Child Work

Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Being Well

Health & Fitness, Education, Self-improvement, Mental Health

4.8 • 2.4K Ratings

🗓️ 9 June 2025

⏱️ 78 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

What gets in the way of truly intimate, healthy relationships…and what can we do about it? In this moving episode, Forrest is joined by renowned couples therapist Terry Real to explore how we can build deeper, more meaningful connections. They unpack key concepts from Relational Life Therapy, including the shift from “me” to “us,” the difference between the adaptive child and wise adult, and how to stay grounded during conflict through relational mindfulness. Terry explains how individualism and patriarchal conditioning fuel disconnection, and how therapy can help couples move from power struggles to true collaboration. A highlight of the episode is a live experiential process, where Terry guides Forrest through some inner child work. About our Guest: Terry Real is a family therapist, speaker, and bestselling author known for his groundbreaking work on men, masculinity, and relationships. He is the founder of Relational Life Therapy (RLT) and the author of several books including The New Rules of Marriage and Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship. Key Topics: 0:00: Introduction 1:34: Systemic thinking in therapy, and the cultural forces that shape relationships 9:00: RLT and confrontation in therapy 12:58: The Adaptive Child, Wise Adult, and how internal parts shape how we relate 17:13: Relational mindfulness, and moving from 'me' to 'us' 27:12: Fierce intimacy: why telling the truth is more loving than being “nice” 30:16: Psychological patriarchy, and how it ruins our relationships 43:28: Experiential process: Terry guides Forrest through inner child work 54:07: How patriarchal norms distort emotional connection for men 1:06:24: Recap Rick’s Change Your Mind Course: Learn how to break old scripts, get some space around self-doubting thoughts, and act in a new way. Six-week course starts June 21, learn more about it at RickHanson.com/changing. Use coupon code BeingWell25 to receive 25% off. Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link. Sponsors Head to acornsearly.com/beingwell or download the Acorns Early app to help your kids grow their money skills today. Get Notion Mail for free right now at notion.com/beingwell, and try the inbox that thinks like you For a limited time, get Headspace FREE for 60 days. Go to Headspace.com/BEINGWELL60. Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/beingwell. Go to ZOE.com and find out what ZOE Membership could do for you. Use code WELL10 to get 10% off membership. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello and welcome to Being Well, I'm Forrest Anson.
0:09.5	If you're new to the show, thanks for joining us today, and if you've listened before, welcome
0:13.4	back.
0:14.4	Today I am joined for the first time and a long time by a very special guest, renowned couples
0:18.6	therapist Terry Reel.
0:20.3	Terry is the founder of relational
0:21.5	life therapy and the author of four books, including the recent New York Times bestseller, Us,
0:26.4	getting past you and me to build a more loving relationship. So Terry, thanks so much for doing
0:31.0	this with me, man. How are you doing? I'm very great, a first, but to talk to you for us.
0:36.3	Thank you for this wonderful podcast that you're
0:38.5	doing. Well, thank you. And I really appreciate you taking the time. We're actually going to be
0:42.3	doing two of these together. This is the first one. We're focusing on relationships. And then we're
0:46.8	doing another one. We're recording it next week. Who knows when it'll actually air relative to each
0:51.7	other on men and masculinity that your son Justin is going to be joining
0:55.4	us for. I'm really looking forward to that one. And I wanted to talk to you about this stuff
0:59.0	because they connect so directly to the work that you have done for years and years and years.
1:05.1	And one of the things that I really appreciate about your work is you position the relationship
1:09.9	that walks into your office as existing in
1:12.1	hello, a broader cultural context. Like people are carrying so much with them when they walk
1:17.3	into the room to work with you. And particularly, you focus on these two dominant cultural forces,
1:22.5	hyper-individualism on the one hand, and then patriarchy on the other. I know we're going to
1:27.2	talk about the second one a lot, probably both during this conversation the other. I know we're going to talk about the
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