Before we begin, we want you to know that this podcast contains graphic and disturbing descriptions of war and strong language.

So usually we start each episode with a few clips, voices you've heard previously on.

Today, we want to remind you of a moment that's tugged at us from our second episode.

It's something that Ben Leo to the Navy Cormin told us as he was describing the chaos in the schoolhouse after the mortar hit.

It's something he said about a specific Marine.

We've mentioned his name a couple of times and he's at the heart of this episode.

David Castello.

Castello was screaming, cursing, wanting to fucking get in the fight.

He was so angry that he got hit.

Like they had a hard time getting him out.

Like the whole time he was flipping out one in the fight.

And it carried on afterwards, kind of fucked him up.

And it's what he said there at the end about how it carried on afterwards.

It stayed with us.

What did Leo do to mean by that?

And Doc Leo was not the only one who told us this about Castello.

He was having a really hard time.

When the mortar hit, we've been told Castello was telling a joke by the picnic table in the courtyard.

Guy said he felt like it was his fault that so many people were standing there at that moment.

That moment Rob Zurheid and Brad Shooter died.

It seems like everyone feels on some level that they were to blame.

It's those what-ifs.

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