Hello there.

Hello. I'm okay. I'm doing okay. I'm doing okay. I feel overwhelmed. I have to go home tonight. I don't want to and I feel really guilty because I don't want to but you know but I am I am going

I'm taking the red eye I'm back Saturday so it's been so much back and four yes it's like

the third time in a month that I've been home by the time airs, I probably will have talked about it already,

but my grandfather passed away last night or two nights ago,

two nights ago.

It's solubler. And it's solid blower.

And it's a lot.

It's a lot.

Yeah.

It's a lot more than I expected it to be, which of course, of course I'm such a control freak that I feel like I could sort of get ahead of how it would feel.

Like I've been processing it for so long, which I have.

Yes. And it's been a long time coming. And so I've kind of felt like, well, when it happens, I'll be fine,

because I will have already processed it but then it doesn't work like that and it's so

annoying that it doesn't work like that.

I'm sorry I'm sorry can you fix it?

Yeah I'm sorry you can't fix grief you can't shortcut it I have felt that you've processed this like very extraordinarily you know even when you were home and you were like you know his help is fragile you were like I'm okay with it you were in a lot of

acceptance I felt like around it but I'm also yeah not surprised that then they do pass away and that's that's a whole other thing.

The idea of it is different than what it is.

Yeah, so my brother is the one, my mom called and I missed the call of course because I was sleeping and then my

brother called like an hour later and I was awake and so we were gonna record

yesterday and I was like rushing and trying to post and get out the door and he

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