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Hello and welcome to Super Ego for Garden Classics, a bold interpretation of the great works of

literature, so bold in fact nobody here even bothered to read them. For each episode our players

will not only improvise a famous work of fiction but one with which they're not at all familiar.

They'll be given only the books title, its first and last lines, and the names of its characters.

The rest is up to them. And now episode one, Wuthering Heights, written in 18-something by Emily

Braunt. Chapter one, an open door. 18-01. I have just returned from a visit to my landlord,

the solitary neighbor that I shall be troubled with. Heathcliff, Heathcliff. Yes, that's my name.

Don't wear it out love. Have you thought of, I don't know, copywriting that catch phrase?

It seems I could have a future life. I can't imagine anyone would enjoy it quite as much as you do

my dear, but to my greater point, you've left half the Dutch door ajar. I'm afraid I'll catch my

death of code. The problem I darling is not in my leaving the Dutch door ajar, but in the Dutching

door itself being faulty, this is what I've just been to see in the landlord about. You have a

problem with other races making doors and windows? No no no, my love you misunderstand me. I'm afraid I

do. It's not so much the problem that I have with the Dutch, as I do have a problem with their doors,

and more to the point. The door, as I am paying for it, as tenant of this landlord, I have begged him

to fix it so that we're not constantly barking our shins or falling over. But is not the problem with

...