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Hello and welcome to Spectator Out Loud, where each week we choose some of our favourite pieces from the magazine and ask their writers to read them aloud.

I'm Patrick Gibbons and on this week's podcast.

While recovering from an injury, Piers Morgan reveals what Trump told him from his hospital bet.

Melanie McDonough explains what the Epstein files reveal about our relationship with email.

Matt Ridley argues that polar bears pose an inconvenient truth for the Net Zero movement.

And finally, Rachel Johnson attends the memorial service for Dame Jilly Cooper.

Up first, Piers Morgan. The two enemies of human happiness

are pain and boredom, espoused German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer. Having spent the past

fortnight in the group of both after fracturing my femur so disastrously, it necessitated a total

hip replacement, I can confirm he's correct.

And given I did it tripping in a hotel restaurant, I would add shame to the list.

The pain was excruciating. The shame even worse.

History will recall that free solo daredevil Alex Honnold successfully climbed the

508-meter Taipei 101 tower without safety ropes. In the same week, I failed to navigate a six-inch

step. But the boredom has been stupefying. If I had a plan how best to drive me to an early grave, it would be exactly

what my surgeon has instructed. No drinking for a month? If there's one thing more soul-destroying

...