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Welcome to Ambridge on the couch, an in-depth look at the arts with me, Jeff Thomas, Lucy Freeman, Harriet Carmichael, James Everett and Matt Rodriguez-Pain.

Now, before we make a start on your emails, let's have a recap of what happened this week in Ambridge.

We began the week in the pub, discussing a horse box that smelled strongly of hoof oil and elnette. Rex and Chris joint cricket captains were also chatting away completely happily without a trace of snark,

until Alice appeared and said,

Who good, you two should spend some time together?

Which I thought would put the kibush on it faster than Rex shouting, I'm shagging your X. Rather than do that, they had a nice chat in which Rex

casually inferred that Chris had caused Alice's alcoholism, which left him choking on beer foam,

while Rex breezed up to the bar in search of more crisps. The irony was that he told Chris

he moderated his drinking around Alice and then staggered to her house and breathed alcohol fumes, scampy fries and declarations of love all over her gym jams.

Rex was doing the classic thing of having a relationship with someone with an issue and then feeling jolly important and beginning to own the issue himself.

So Chris's new squeeze is Lottie, friend of Pips, doctor's receptionist and

Alice sound alike.

Alice Chute.

Which must be quite confusing for Chris unless it's how he's pretending that he's still,

yeah.

Anyway, Chris said he thought her face seemed familiar, but to be fair the first time he saw

her she was behind plexiglass,

saying, could you tell me a little bit about the issue? Which one's got bigger and what kind of a

...