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I'm 11. Phil, welcome to the program. How are you, Dr. Laura? Hi, what can I do for you? My wife and I have been married for 30 years. We had two grown daughters about your 10 of our marriage.

She began to decrease lead to a period of probably 12 to 14 years where we had very rare physical intimacy of any type.

During that time, she gave up her career to raise our children did a great job. She was very focused on them. She facilitated my career and allowed me to do things I needed to do.

I had two jobs during that time, two professional jobs. One was in the military. It was deployed a couple times, which created some further stress.

But we reached about year 24 of our marriage. I had had enough was frustrated and suggested that we consider divorce. We went to counseling for about a year and a half.

Things between us got somewhat better, but there was never a return of the level of intimacy, the connection that we had initially.

So why did you cancel the divorce?

That's a good question. I think we don't say I think we, because I asked you a personal question.

Why can't we not we? You. I want to know why you didn't can't didn't follow.

I did not I no longer pursue the divorce because the relationship between us was good enough. It was it was again friendly. It was cordial. There was occasional intimacy at that point.

It was just a little bit more than a little bit. And it just didn't seem catastrophic enough to drop a bomb on my family and my relationship, because difficulty for my kids and.

I said parents and that thing.

So so at about 30 or 30 of the marriage where we are now, we're starting to look forward. I'm a couple years from retirement.

I've been in many years fantasizing about being on my own about long periods of solitude and exploration. She has a very different view for what our retired life might be.

It has occurred to both of us, including me, that the difficulties that we had early on may have caused problems for us that are going to prevent us from feeling the kind of closeness that we would need to make compromises and to go forward after retirement together.

And I my principal dilemma is whether I should abandon this this idea that I have is that's very desirable to me about being on my own about going off and doing whatever I want to do because it's selfish or self centered.

I understand that if I if I don't abandon that idea that desire that I have that it might be better for my wife, my kids, my family, but at the same time I'm going to be kind of saddled with living a life that I'm not that excited about about living or at least at the moment don't think I would be excited about living.

Number one, your children or adults.

You're coming down every morning for breakfast seeing mom and dad not talking to each other.

They're adults with their own lives so we don't have to do the upset my adult kids card.

You have a right to decide between now and dead how you want to live your life because then you're going to be dead.

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