Shitting Your Pants for Perspective (with Molly Kearney)

Keeping Records

Headgum

Comedy, Society & Culture, Places & Travel, Comedy Interviews, Documentary

5 • 726 Ratings

🗓️ 12 March 2021

⏱️ 66 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Comedian Molly Kearney builds a Golden Record full of the things the aliens could never dream of. What will they think of an animated film in which all of the characters are humanoid dogs, some of which are insanely hot? Sure, they could imagine a car, but what about a minivan with the door falling off and all the back benches removed, blaring the best piano rock tunes of the last fifty years? Do they have geode caverns on their planet? Probably not. A hug from Molly's mom? Not in their galaxy. There is also a lot of talk about pants-shitting and death-by-toilet. It is simultaneously our blessing and curse as a species. Molly's Artifacts A Goofy Movie (audio-visual) Not knowing your favorite chicken patty is vegetarian (multisensory experience) Driving in Molly's Ford Windstar with no back benches, sliding door falling off, and an Elton John Greatest Hits cassette stuck in player (multisensory experience) Crystal Cave in Put-in-Bay, Ohio (geologic formation) The bond between restaurant staff (human behavior) Hug from Mom (multisensory experience) The chewed up baseball from The Sandlot (human ephemera) A personal pedicab ride from Molly (human experience) Original Voyager Artifact "Tame Dog" (audio) Follow Molly on Twitter and Instagram! Follow the show @keepingrecordspod Advertise on Keeping Records via Gumball.fm See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Transcript

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0:00.0	This is a headgum original.
0:03.0	In 1977, NASA sent two solid gold records into space, so that aliens might find them and understand life on Earth.
0:20.0	I sent greetings on behalf of the people of our planet and friendly wishes to all who I encounter this voyager.
0:27.6	Now, we're making new records with our friends.
0:30.6	Hello, al-Han-Hanayu-Hanayu-a-sla-slau-slau-slau-slau-slau-slau-a-lá'u-a-lake. We step out of our solar system into the universe seeking only peace and friendship.
0:42.3	We know full well that our planet and all its inhabitants are but a small part of this immense universe that surrounds us.
0:52.3	Hello from the children of planet Earth.
0:58.4	Wow, well, well, wow, wow, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wow, wow, wow.
1:07.7	That was Well, well, well, well by Caleb and Shelby.
1:10.8	Coming up next, we have, What's How's Your Day, Caleb?
1:14.4	Did you hear how long I heard that note?
1:16.9	Or did you hear how long I kept held that note?
1:19.5	Yeah, I heard it.
1:20.6	Were you impressed?
1:21.8	Yeah.
1:23.2	I thought it was awesome.
1:24.6	Did you, were you actually impressed?
1:26.5	If I said, no, you'd be mad.
1:28.0	If I say, yes, you ask if I'm serious.
1:29.8	I mean, what answer do you want from me?
1:31.8	Well, I was thinking that you might not, I wanted you to say yes.
1:35.4	I was thinking you might not have meant it because I gave you kind of a puppy dog face.
	...

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