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The Virtual Couch

Shame: The Self-Absorbed, Selfish, Uninvited Guest at Your Self-Esteem Party (and how to get them to leave!)

The Virtual Couch

Tony Overbay LMFT

Education, Mental Health, Health & Fitness, Self-improvement

5643 Ratings

🗓️ 7 August 2024

⏱️ 48 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Tony Overbay, LMFT, tackles an emotion we've all felt but rarely discuss: shame. Have you ever wondered why shame feels so personal, so all-consuming? Could it be that shame is actually... selfish?Inspired by a pivotal scene from the Apple TV series 'Presumed Innocent', Tony unravels the tangled web of shame and guilt. He asks: What if our shame is holding us back more than we realize? Is it possible that by focusing on our shame, we're actually being self-absorbed?Tony dives deep into the origins of these complex emotions and their surprising impacts on our personal growth and relationships. He offers practical strategies for recognizing and overcoming shame, emphasizing the power of self-awareness and acceptance. But here's the kicker - what if shame isn't just about you? Tony explores how understanding shame can transform our empathy and support for others. He challenges listeners to question: Are we using shame as a shield when it's actually a barrier to genuine connection?Whether you're grappling with your own feelings of shame or trying to support someone who is, this episode promises insights that could change how you view yourself and others. Ready to unmask shame and discover a path to authentic self-esteem? In this episode of 'The Virtual Couch,' host Tony Overbay shares his transformative epiphany from watching the Apple TV series 'Presumed Innocent.' He dives into the profound distinctions between shame and guilt, using a key scene from the show as a focal point. Tony explores how these concepts relate to personal growth and therapy, offering practical tools and insights to help listeners better understand and manage their own experiences with shame. This episode aims to foster a healthier relationship with oneself and promote emotional awareness and self-compassion.00:00 Introduction and Epiphany00:51 Setting the Stage: Presumed Innocent01:53 The Epiphany: Guilt vs. Shame02:39 Exploring Discomfort and Reactions04:20 Understanding Shame and Its Origins07:38 The Selfishness of Shame19:30 Implicit Memory and Thought Patterns25:59 Transforming Negative Thoughts26:24 Creating Space for Positive Experiences27:30 The Journey of Changing Your Internal Landscape29:36 Understanding and Managing Discomfort32:01 The Concept of First and Second Darts32:49 Stages of Growth and Self-Awareness39:12 The Role of Shame and Guilt

Transcript

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0:00.0

Welcome to the virtual couch.

0:04.0

Please take a seat for pillars, emotional majority, and for pillars what a tree.

0:13.0

You're not broken, you're a human, so check that out.

0:18.0

You don't know what you don't know.

0:21.9

It's what it's all about.

0:24.4

So I was recently watching the Apple TV series Presumed Innocent.

0:28.1

And I honestly had such an epiphany at the time when absolutely no epiphanies were anticipated.

0:34.3

And it was this realization that actually caused me to want to create a podcast episode about this epiphany.

0:42.3

And that also played a pretty significant role in my therapy practice over the last couple of weeks.

0:47.8

And I think we'll continue to do so moving forward.

0:50.4

I think you'll see why.

0:51.4

Let me set the stage.

0:52.3

And I promise I won't give any spoilers if you haven't watched it. If you're not familiar with the show, it was first a book that was released in

0:58.5

1987 by author Scott Thoreau. And that was my junior year of high school. And I have a memory of reading

1:06.9

the paperback. Now, I don't know if that was a memory of reading the paperback later in life, or if there I was trying to channel my 1987 listening to YouTube's The Joshua Tree,

1:17.0

maybe on my Walkman, wearing some acid-washed jeans and having Reebok pumps, waiting until the

1:22.9

next episode of Full House to drop. Maybe even trying to see if anybody would want to go see

1:28.2

dirty dancing in the theater. Not that I really want to see the dancing, of course.

1:31.3

Patrick Swayze is really cool. And then the book was made into a movie in 1990, and that started

1:36.4

Harrison Ford, and I am certain that I saw that with my wife, and that was the year that we were

1:41.1

married, I might add. And if I were better with sound effects, I would cue the awe right about now.

1:47.0

But now there's an eight-part series based on the book, and I haven't finished it yet, but I am really enjoying it.

...

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