Oh, and that little metal thing you shot off to the red planet down the street, you would not believe the messages that thing keeps sending me.

Hey, did you see the rock I found today? Could you just emoji back so I know you got this?

Guess how hot it is here. Go on, guess!

You know what takes perseverance? Your friendship.

As soon as I figure out how Gmail filters work, your days are numbered, my friend.

Anyway, to all of you, the following podcast is not real.

But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy it.

Hey, you can even think of it as your own little acting workshop.

You pretend to be entertained, and I'll pretend to believe you.

And that'll be the basis for our friendship until two other people in the workshop hook up.

And then we can spend long hours in the coffee shop ripping them to shreds while fighting back the loneliness.

So let's get started, sit back, and enjoy the show.

Hello from the Magic Tavern. A weekly podcast for the magical land of food.

I'm your host Arne E. Camp. If you've never listened to the podcast before,

this is everything you need to know. Arne, Arne, Arne, Buddy.

Oh, this is so weird. I'm sorry to stop you. I just noticed since we've been in the big city,

I feel like our intro is just not enough. I feel like the people here,

the way that you go into a bar or a restaurant, there's a sense of urgency.

People almost put the fear of goddesses into you. I have to go in here or else,

I'm in trouble or something. Is there a way to do the intro where it's like,

people almost scared not to listen?

All right, so you want me to kind of like give it a little bit more of a fantasy big city feel?

...