SC 88 – The Hidden Power Of Conflict – Annie Lalla

Relationship School Podcast

Jayson Gaddis

Relationships, Relationshippodcast, Sex, Relationshipadvice, Society & Culture, Jaysongaddispodcast, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.6 • 981 Ratings

🗓️ 11 January 2017

⏱️ 63 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Annie Lalla brings the heat in this amazing episode full of love and wisdom. Damn can this woman spin some distinctions and reframe so many challenges with simple, detailed examples of how we can transform our relationships into the magic we long for. I know you're going to dig this one. A must listen to probably 2 or 3 times.

SHOWNOTES

How to use conflict to access your shadow [10:00]
Learning to use conflict and complaints to build your relational and emotional muscles [12:00]
A practical tool to help you become a master of conflict in your relationship [16:00]
How to handle disagreements in parenting [17:30]
A specific process you can follow whenever you feel triggered after being criticized [20:00]
How to effectively deliver feedback in a way that (almost) guarantees a positive reaction from your partner [22:30]
A powerful breathing & thought exercise to do as soon as you're triggered [24:00]
The power that pre-emptive delight can have on your emotional 'bank account' [27:15]
An easy (and fun) way to heal your relationship to your parents [29:00]
The concept of 'intergenerational envy' and how it can put you back in control of healing your wounds from childhood [32:00]
How to give and receive feedback without destroying your relationship [36:00]
For men: how to best use your tone of voice to give feedback that lands with love [37:00]
The most important role a wife has in her husband's life [39:00]
An elegant 'family hack' to reduce fights and resentments that you can start using tonight [40:00]
What to do if your partner doesn't want to work on your relationship with you [45:00]
Annie's definition of 'True Love' [47:00]
Your Action Step [58:00]

Transcript

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0:00.0	So I have to basically generate a sense of present perfection and beauty and fallibility, but beauty in a wobby
0:06.7	real-time kind of way. And how can I improve this game? If I was ever going to improve my mother
0:12.6	ring, how would I do that? Well, I probably listen to my husband who I
0:14.7	hired to show me my blind spots around this. And let me listen to that for the
0:18.4	gold nugget underneath the grumble complaint, Shane Bling. Hey there, what's up?
0:34.0	What's up? Welcome back to the Smart Couple Podcast, episode 88. I'm Jason Gattis, your host, and I'm having a good year so far. How about you?
0:58.0	I, however, there was a big bump in the road. I came out swinging, you know, had my goals done.
1:04.7	I spent hours and hours on my goals and dreams for the year,
1:09.2	quarterly, yearly, got feedback on them, was just like stoked, right? And then I felt like I got kicked in the nuts and just fell down because I got some other feedback that was critical and then I was like,
1:27.2	ooh, maybe I can't do that. I've got to tweak this somehow. So I'm in the deep process as I often am changing things around and
1:37.6	evolving as I do and it's feeling really good. So it was five degree, negative five degrees out this morning in Boulder, Colorado, and I was running at, in the dark before the sun came up.
1:50.0	And it just feels so invigorating. I feel so alive. I finally have stuck an exercise routine.
2:00.5	For the last two years I haven't wavered, haven't flinched, but prior to that my exercise came and went and I would go for a while and then I would fall down and I'd be like, who cares?
2:13.7	And I had honestly a pretty entitled relationship to exercise.
2:18.3	And now I feel on it. But I had to make some shifts in my psychology. That was the breakthrough for me, as it always is. I deal with my psychology and then things go well. I don't deal with my psychology and I have all kinds of symptoms
2:36.1	that are a pain in my ass.
2:38.7	Okay, why am I telling you this?
2:39.9	Well, it's fun to converse with you
2:41.6	in a sort of one-way conversation and hopefully
2:44.0	you're jogging or commuting and you're maybe laughing or relating to me
2:47.7	because we fall down you know we have a good day and then we have a shitty day and we have a great week and then we get kicked in the mouth or someone judges us or hurts us and then we're like closed off and constricted and judging everybody, you know?
3:05.0	Oh, to be human, boy, such a vulnerable, you know, experience to be a human being.
	...

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