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Relationship School Podcast

SC 133 - Asking For What You Need Without Making Threats

Relationship School Podcast

Jayson Gaddis

Relationships, Relationshippodcast, Sex, Relationshipadvice, Society & Culture, Jaysongaddispodcast, Health & Fitness, Mental Health

4.6981 Ratings

🗓️ 19 June 2017

⏱️ 11 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

How often do you find yourself wanting to ask for something in your relationship - more communication, more time & attention, more touch - only to find yourself holding back out of fear?
Expressing (or confessing) our needs can feel scary and edgy. If it's a 'non-negotiable need' it's easy to feel like you're threatening the relationship with an ultimatum: "I need this or I'm out".

S0 do you hold back, hoping your partner will come around on their own (and getting more resentful when they don't)? Or do you bring your needs to the table and cross your fingers, hoping it all goes well?

This episode will teach you how to get your needs met, without feeling you're making a threat to the relationship.

QUESTION
You speak of stating and sticking by your Non-Negotiable Needs, but you also say to never threaten to walk away from the relationship. So how do you stick up for yourself and your NNN's without the threat of walking away hanging around in the background -- isn't it implied that you'll be leaving if your NNN's aren't met? I am missing how to do this properly.
THANK YOU for your help and for clearing this up!
-Jessica

SHOWNOTES

  • Does having needs make you ‘needy’? [1:00]
  • Communicating your needs to your partner in a non-threatening way [3:00]
  • When your needs aren’t compatible with your partner’s [6:00]
  • Getting your needs met without threatening the relationship [7:00]
  • When you have a need for more communication and connection than he can give you [8:00]
  • Your action step [9:30]

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

So, Welcome back to the Ask Me Anything Smart Couple Podcast and Show where I answer a question and we've got a good one today.

0:29.0

I want to first talk logistics.

0:32.0

Make sure you subscribe to I want to first talk logistics.

0:33.2

Make sure you subscribe to, on my fan page,

0:37.0

Facebook.com slash Jason Gattis fan page.

0:39.6

Make sure you subscribe to the updates so that the moment I go live you just you're

0:45.5

there it just pops up in your news feed because a lot of us are on Facebook all

0:49.0

day long boom new distraction from work, cool.

0:52.8

I'll watch Jason for five or ten minutes,

0:54.7

get a little relationship advice.

0:57.1

That's gonna work best, all right?

0:59.1

Because I'm no longer doing this

1:00.4

on a consistent way at 10 a.m. Mountain time on Wednesdays it's just

1:04.9

that's been hard for me to keep that commitment. So about once a week though I'm

1:10.5

going to hop on and answer a question and try to see if I can help you as well if you're here live.

1:15.9

That's the bonus of coming on live. Okay so this question is from Jessica and it's all about

1:22.0

non-negotiable needs needs what are those do I have any of those you do you do do. I do.

1:35.0

Just try this on out loud real quick.

1:38.0

At your cubicle, wherever you are.

1:40.0

I'm needy. I'm needy. I have needs. It's good practice. Okay so Jessica says you speak of

1:47.6

stating and sticking by your non-negotiable needs but you also say to never

1:51.0

threaten to walk away from the relationship? I have said those things.

...

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