SC 131 - When You Refuse To Accept Your Husband's Parenting Style
Relationship School Podcast
Jayson Gaddis
4.6 • 981 Ratings
🗓️ 14 June 2017
⏱️ 9 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
QUESTION
My husband’s parents have told me in the past (to them it’s funny) about how harsh they were with him as a baby and as a young child. This might explain why when our newborn has meltdowns he sometimes gets frustrated to the point of telling her to 'shut up' and at times handling her a little rougher than I feel comfortable with. I understand where my husband is coming from, given his past, but I refuse to allow my daughter to grow up with that kind of treatment or to allow her to be his experiment as he learns how to manage his hurt and frustration.
How can I approach my husband with concerns about how he treats our child?
- Christina in South Florida
SHOWNOTES
- When your partner crosses the ‘safety’ line with your child [1:00]
- The tricky game of setting boundaries in parenting [3:00]
- If your partner is unwilling to change their parenting style [5:00]
- What to do when you’ve reached your emotional limit with persistent tantrums [6:00]
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | So, What's up? |
| 0:28.0 | Welcome to the Smart Couple Podcast and Show here on Wednesday. Let's dive in and I hope you guys are well. This question is about parenting. So this is for you |
| 0:37.4 | guys that our parents are one day might be parents and you've got a partner. There can be a lot here. |
| 0:43.3 | This is an intense one. |
| 0:46.0 | From Christina in South Florida. |
| 0:48.5 | What's up, Christina? |
| 0:51.8 | How can I approach my husband with concerns about how he treats our child? |
| 0:55.0 | How can I approach my husband about how he treats our kid? |
| 1:00.0 | And here's a little backstory. My husband's parents have told me in the past, and to them it's funny, about how harsh they were with him as a baby and a young child. |
| 1:08.5 | This might explain why when our newborn has meltdowns, he sometimes gets frustrated to the point of telling her to shut up and at times |
| 1:15.6 | handling her a little rougher than I feel comfortable with. |
| 1:21.0 | I understand where my husband is coming from given his past but I refuse to allow my daughter to grow up with that kind of treatment or to let her be his experiment as he learns how to manage his hurt and frustration. |
| 1:31.0 | Well, awesome, good for you, Christina. Sounds really wise and here's the key words |
| 1:36.8 | Christina is using. I refuse to allow my daughter to grow up with that kind of treatment. |
| 1:44.0 | So here's the thing with the word refuse. |
| 1:46.0 | If it's true that you refuse to allow this, that's called a non-negotiable need. |
| 1:52.0 | And it's a need about your partner. You know it's a need |
| 1:57.8 | about safety. Look I need to feel safe here honey and I need you to parent in a way that is not aggressive, |
| 2:08.8 | violent, etc. That's a need and I will not flinch on that so that means you've got to go to therapy |
| 2:16.4 | you've got to do some past you know emotional work on your past some trauma work perhaps to get to the point where you can |
| 2:27.3 | Tolerate our daughters upset her tantrums her tears her frustration. Now this is really the same in a partnership |
| 2:36.3 | that we need to treat each other with respect or the safety meters go off and we don't |
... |
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