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If you're stuck in a relationship quandary, or if you're looking for sexual harmony,

while there's nothing you can't ask on the Savage Mubcast.

It seems like you can't pick up the goddamn paper anymore without having to read another story

about Ted Haggard.

And not the story you want to read, not Ted Haggard comes out of the closet, finally admits

it, gale divorces him, gets real, no, just more, you know, mainstream media hand jobs for

Haggard, which is really what it is. The Wall Street Journal has a profile where they're talking

about and promoting Ted Haggard's new church. What does it take for a Christian pastor to be

ruined, to be disgraced and done? You would think meth, male prostitute, blowjops,

all of that would have done him in.

But no, and now Haggard is attempting to recast his infamous massages with...

Massages.

His infamous sex capades with Mike Jones,

hero escort, who outed Haggard,

as nothing more than a massage gone awry.

It's not quite lifts your luggage.

It's not going to enter the pantheon with hike the Appalachian Trail, lift your luggage.

But I love the idea of, I paid this man, however much money,

to have sex with me. The euphemism for that is massage gone awry. Perhaps if you get

fucked in the ass, it's a massage gone terribly awry. Anyway, Ted Haggard's back in business. He's

got his shingle out. He is running a new Jesus freakakery Outpost, a new fuckwit franchise there in Colorado

...