S5, Ep 2 Best Friend Therapy: Perfectionism - Is it about control? How does it hold us back? Can we learn to be good enough?
Dial Emma
Emma Reed Turrell
4.8 • 1.2K Ratings
🗓️ 26 June 2023
⏱️ 45 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Ok, we're not but, with all of our references to sanding and painting, we might as well be. We are actually talking about how we need friction to make meaningful bonds and how a glossy finish can get in the way of connection. Because this week we're talking about perfectionism and how it can hold us back.
Exploring toxic positivity, the sense of dissatisfaction we're often sold by the beauty industry, and the impact of social media, this week's conversation uncovers the myths of control and why we shouldn't always believe our eyes.
Emma advocates "perfect moments" while Elizabeth prefers to reject the notion of perfect altogether. Emma tells us about the fateful day she took a cup of coffee into therapy and Elizabeth spills the tea, as usual.
Remember, when you try to be perfect, you can forget to be personal, and we know which we prefer.
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Emma quotes the work of Taibi Kahler on "Drivers": Kahler, T. (1975). Drivers—The Key to the Process Script. Transactional Analysis Journal, 5:3
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Best Friend Therapy is hosted by Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell, produced by Chris Sharp.
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Social Media:
Elizabeth Day @elizabday
Emma Reed Turrell @emmareedturrell
Best Friend Therapy @best.friend.therapy
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hello and welcome to Best Friend Therapy. I'm Elizabeth Day, author and |
| 0:05.8 | podcaster and for over 20 years I've been best friends with a therapist. |
| 0:10.3 | That's me. Hello, I'm Emma Reed-Tarell and I'm a psychotherapist. In my private |
| 0:15.2 | practice I talked to clients about the challenges they face in daily life and |
| 0:18.5 | we work together in a non-judgmental supportive space to increase their |
| 0:22.0 | sense of well-being. And as her BFF I get all the benefit of her expertise and |
| 0:27.0 | wisdom for free. Emma makes me feel better about life but also helps me to |
| 0:31.8 | understand why I act the way I do. Ah, thanks Liz. She's also one of the only |
| 0:37.2 | people allowed to call me Liz. We wanted to open the doors to our friendship and |
| 0:41.8 | throw a light on the therapy we all need in our everyday lives. Each week we |
| 0:46.5 | chat about what's on our minds to get deeper in our minds. Two best friends, one |
| 0:51.7 | therapist, no filter. That's Best Friend Therapy. |
| 0:56.8 | Hello and welcome back to Best Friend Therapy and this week we are going to be |
| 1:03.2 | talking all things perfectionism. So I hope it's an entirely flawless episode |
| 1:09.6 | because otherwise it will have zero worth. That's right, isn't it? Oh no, I |
| 1:15.7 | coughed. Okay, we're going to have to start that again. Only joking. Yes, we both |
| 1:22.7 | wanted to talk about this because it is something that really shapes and |
| 1:27.3 | sometimes governs my life. This idea that if something isn't perfect or rather |
| 1:33.0 | if I don't execute it perfectly, if I don't put in the perfect amount of effort |
| 1:37.6 | then I feel insipient shame. And I think for me, as for many of us, it probably stems |
| 1:45.6 | from a number of things. But one of the things that I can most easily reach for is |
| 1:49.6 | that idea as a child when I got rewarded for doing quote unquote good work or |
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