S2 Ep121: Having the Sex I’d Want My Daughter to Expect with Xosha

Lovers and Friends with Shan Boodram

LOVERS by shan

Sexuality, Society & Culture, Relationships, Health & Fitness

5 • 5.5K Ratings

🗓️ 28 May 2025

⏱️ 65 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

What kind of stories do we pass down through the way we love?

Actor and mom Xosha Roquemore sits down with Shan to talk about sex, self-worth, and how becoming a mother shifted everything. It starts with one question she asked that stopped us both: “Have the kind of sex you’d be proud to tell your daughter about.”

We talk about the early messages she got about sex, how sexual coercion showed up in her past, and why that experience still needs more language. She shares a fun one-night stand story and how even casual sex can feel good when it comes from choice, not pressure.

Xosha also talks about single motherhood, not as a hardship, but as a privilege. Being a mom has made her sharper, clearer, and way more intentional about who gets access to her.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	But like from 28 until like 37.
0:06.1	I was like, it was all about finding a relationship
0:09.3	or staying in the relationship that I had,
0:12.1	holding onto it tight, even if it was murdering me.
0:15.1	I was gonna like try to hold onto it.
0:17.5	A superhero, of course, in the work that you do,
0:19.9	a real life superhero because you were a mom.
0:22.4	And the nerves today came because we're talking about something that you don't feel so super in.
0:26.9	Yes.
0:28.7	I feel like a super flop in love, intimacy.
0:33.3	You know, having children is like having a mirror.
0:35.5	So like I've evaluated a lot of my other choices too and like who I am as a person.
0:39.3	But certainly when I think about sex and intimacy, I want to be a good role model for her.
0:45.3	What story are you proudly going to tell your daughter about your sex life when she's of age?
0:51.3	I might tell her about the cool one-night stand that I had on purpose.
0:56.2	You're never single if you're hot.
0:58.0	I don't know if that makes sense.
0:59.5	That is my million dollar take.
1:02.3	Like I'm like, I'm not like, I'm single.
1:04.9	Like single has connotations.
1:06.9	Is your relationship with your daughter's dad and the sexual relationship there, one that you would want to tell her about?
1:15.6	Uh, hmm.
	...

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