Stop worrying so much about how people perceive your truth.

You cannot please everybody.

We have to be of service to each other.

Marriage is a service-based industry.

And if you're not prepared to want to be of service to the person that you've made those vows with,

and not everybody else, marriage may not be for you.

As I became older in this marriage, I was like, I was doing a lot of

things. My guys said I should do this. My father said I should do this. So the minute I stopped doing that

Shane and just saying, babe, what do you require? Even if it takes away from my manhood from my friends,

I want to do that for you. I watched her open up in so many different ways. I've had a couple friends, girlfriends be like,

girl like, he can make his own play even down to my mother-in-law before I was married. You guys,

it almost was like a survival to break away from the gender conformity. So people call it gender

roles. I don't think it's that. I think it's just what we've grown to either require from each other or we just like to do for each other. So, this episode's

where it all began. This is where it all began. Actually, a little bit before this, is that was when

we watched the Jared Carr-Marco show. Yes. The taping of this podcast was like it lit me up. Deval is

an actor, a famous actor. Kadeen is a journalist. They have a podcast called Deadass. They're also

best-selling authors. It's about asking yourself this very important question. In order to be

successful in my relationship, am I willing to defy my gender?

You believe it's magic.

When I got in a relationship with you, I just realized that like the way that I was operating in relationships just wasn't working.

In this relationship, I kind of threw everything out the window.

I guess that includes traditional gender roles.

...